Niels and Alexander's dream

growing and growing

2010-04-27T14:18:00.002+02:00

Last Thursday A went with the babes to the 'consultatie-bureau', its a baby check up place. Once a month we have an appointment there with the peaditrician but the best part is, if you want to come in every week to have the babes weight, meassured or whatever question comes to mind, you can just pop in.
As James and Emily are growing really fast, we want to keep track on their weight, and yes, they grow fast! In two weeks time they both gained 395 grams and 390 grams. I am starting to believe that by 6 months they can walk:)
At the moment James is over-stretching a bit, which is quite common with premature babies, and also easily to treat by doing exercices with him (better said; we have to do the exercise).
They are both very lively, laughing, giggling even, and talkative, grumpy time is everyday between 6pm and 8pm (good reason to work a bit longer sometimes haha). A had is first flight this Sunday evening to Dubai, he was looking forward to this and also dreaded the moment he had to leave, and so did I. The nights were okay and the babes did fine, in the end the most hard part was for A since he was gone, he just got back and was thrilled to see us all again! We've decided to see how this all works out for the next two months and after that we'll see if we need to make other arrangements.
Since we the babes arrived, a whole new world has opened for us it seems, other parents are really opening up with everything that goes on in their childs life. Every little detail is spoken of. Suggestions how to go about things are also thrown at us by lighting speed... fortunately we have slippery shoulders so nothing sticks lol.
Next week we'll have to register them both for, can you believe it, middle school! Apparently if you want your children to go to the school of your choice you have to be early. Someone even said we should have registered the babes prior birth. To me these things sound so stupid but I guess thats the way it goes.
I'll post pics later today (because really I should be working at the mo:)

pics!

2010-04-15T23:14:00.003+02:00

The 30th of April is a national holiday; its the Queens B-Day:) At the park where we live it's dress up time for children and A couldn't wait to see James in his outfit
Emily just chillin' and cooing on the 'magic carpet'
Here you can really see the differents in size, they love to be awake at the same time:)
Emily is having a moment to herself here, one of the first times she grabbed 'the noisemaker'
This was a pic of Emily whilst we were in India, lounging at the pool, I just love this pic of her. Can't believe how much she has grown already

Happy Easter all

2010-04-05T22:44:00.002+02:00

Well it certainly has been a while since my last post!

And I have to be honest here, I did have time (once a week or so) to post.. but... when you have a moment to yourself... just enjoy doing NOTHING! LOL. Everything is going great with James and Emily, it seems as if they grow every single day, all the changes are happening so fast that for us as parents it is hard to keep up with them, at times I do wish that they would stay small just a little longer!

James is now 4.9 kilos and Emily a solid 3.9 kilos, she still looks so delicate but that is also because we compare her with James' size.

Since last Saturday they actually give us smiles! And I do understand now how these small things just light up your day .. when you feel tired; no sleep, dirty; no time to shower yourself until A is home too.

We've been adjusting to a normal life since we got back and it took some time for us. The nights have been horrible for a few weeks and, knock on wood, since last week the nights are definitely getting better! Now there is only one interruption at 3am and that is really good, at least thats what we think.

Recently we have noticed that other new parents like to talk about their 'perfect' babies and I just got fed up with it. It started to seem as if James and Emily where the only babies who needed night feedings and everyone else's baby would sleep through the night at just 2 weeks old. Well bugger that! I am sure there are plenty of babies who actually do that, but stop bragging about it! Especially when I talk about it with my swollen, red eyes and in desperate need of sleep!

Besides the sleep deprivation, where no one can prepare for in my opinion, life is excellent for us.

I had to start work a week after we got back and I still think it's a waist of time:), and A is full-time at home still. He is doing an excellent job here and we both dread the moment he has to start work again. The babes go out on a daily basis in their pram and they both love it.

This weekend we went on a mini break with my parents to the South of Holland, and James and Emily both got the special grandparents attention which they deserve... and we got some time for ourselves which was great too!

On Saturday night we went to a lovely pub in Belgium and we just enjoyed an evening of la la la.

Last week we decided to make the last big change for a while; we're getting a bigger car:(

We live in the center of The Hague and we thought we could get by by using public transport and just walking. However, we have learned that with two babies there is no way in hell to go somewhere by train. For one, the pram doesn't go into all trams or trains because of the bars in the middle (I am sure elderly are very very happy with these bars but for us, well they just don't work) and also because when you go somewhere, you're almost inclined to hire a move company to take all the things with you! In any case, it means my beamer sports car has to go. No more rooftop down and pretending to be 24 again; a big car with baby seats. Well, at least it has private glass haha.

I have so much to write, but have to attend to the babes now. I do solemnly pledge to write more regularly. Hope all is well with all of you out there and the most important thing I could say now is that the journey to get here is sooooooooo much worth it!

Good thoughts to all!

feeling nackered

2010-03-03T22:19:00.002+01:00

At the mo we are in a transition period; we had to change formula and both babes aren't to excited about that... which means we are absolutely nackered! Wanted to post more, but was just chatting with one of the founders of surrogacy-land.

we're home

2010-02-28T18:53:00.002+01:00

The last week in Mumbai has flown by. We left Friday night and we arrived Saturday at 6pm dutch time.

James and Emily haven't made a sound the whole flight! We booked business class seats (treat to ourselves) and we saw the faces of other BC passengers: horror! two babies in BC seemed to scare some passengers lol. After departing the plane some of them came up to us and complemented us with our babes, they were a pleasure to travel!

Our last week was a week of waiting mostly, the HCO was telling us on a daily basis that the passports would be ready the next day, but they never came! On Thursday we decided to just go to the HCO and wait until they had printed them, when we arrived they were already waiting for us to collect them so we were very happy. Friday morning we went to the FRRO and according to Asha, who went along with us, we were the first couple to receive the exit visas within the hour! We were absolutely prepared to wait all day, but we were out of there at 10:20am: with the exit visas! We did some last minute shopping and managed to spend a couple of thousands. Then we went back to the hotel for some sleep but didn't get round to it. There was a big party from an Indian cement company and the music was so loud that even inside we had to scream to hear each other (I am NOT exaggerating here). So, with no sleep at all we left for the airport at 12:01am exactly, our flight was leaving at 5am, but having read all the horror stories other people encountered at the airport we thought it would be best to leave early and just wait in the bc lounge.

And another reason was that we purchased our tickets with my dads creditcard, when we received the email confirmation it stated that we needed to bring the creditcard which was in Holland:( After calling with the airline they told us to bring a copy and a signed letter of the holder of the creditcard which should be enough to get us on board, we didn't feel to sure about it so we wanted extra time for verbal convincing of the officers in charge... we didn't needed any time, and we went sailing through immigration and all the other check points.

Some of the checkpoints took an extra minute because of course we had the question: where is the mother?. I had in mind what the Mikes had told us once; do not elaborate on surrogacy just tell them; I am the father, there is no mother and we have all the stamps from the FRRO. It helped, even though some people glazed a bit weird.

In fact we had a nicer experience leaving the airport with the babes than we had last year when we were just tourist leaving India.

In Istanbul we had some transit time, which was pleasant too, and after that we started the last stretch of our journey home. At Schiphol we did feel a bit stressed, because we didn't have a clue if there would be questions at immigration. To our surprise there was just one remark: congratulations with the twins. That was the first officer since leaving the hotel who had only said one thing and that one thing was so nice to hear.

Our luggage was already waiting for us so after leaving the plane we passed immigration within 15 minutes (record time for us anyways).

Grammy, Omi, Bompa, aunties, closest friends were waiting for us and we started to cry once again:) It was enormous to finally be with our loved ones, we had stress at times in Mumbai with regards to the paperwork, so we felt so incredible relieved that everything went so well.

We had drinks at the airport, got presents for the babes (yah, unwrapping has started!) and left to get home.

Our parents had put up signs with: Hoera, een jongen! and Hoera, een meisje! (boy/girl), on the inside they went over the top which we enjoyed BIG TIME!

A and I were nackered and went to bed around 10, and Omi (my mother) would do the night shift with Bompa (my dad), which was wonderful because this way we could catch a good night sleep, so we did.

Today we had champagne, more gifts and the pleasure of seeing James and Emily in their cots.

It's overwhelming when you experience that moment, it really feels as if everything comes together with these little simple things.

For all of us who had a different route to become parents, it really feels so rewarding when you finally see your own bundle of joy in your own house, in their own room, with people who care about them surrounding them. And as Asha said, surro babies are the most whished for children.

Next Sunday we're having a Meet & Greet James & Emily for friends and family, so this gives us some time to get into a routine first.

Now why did it take us four weeks to sort out the papers? Certainly not because of the Indian authorities, but awkwardly because of the British authority.

The thing is, we are in fact the first couple ever to have used a widow/single surrogate. The HCO and the Home Office just didn't know how to apply the rules. At first they were strict in using the normal surrogacy rules (asking for the papers of the husband (but he passed away: 'still, we need them'), then they asked for her marriage certificate (we did have the death certificate) but our clinic did not have that and this was the moment things got a bit ugly.

When we went first to the HCO we thought we did all our homework, all the prep work they could ever ask for, and we still feel that way. To our surprise however, they wanted proof that she was married to her husband.

Since our surrogate was muslim she never registrated her marriage, (why didn't the clinic just state that she was single 'cause then we never would have had all these questions).

In the end, it meant that our surrogate had to be interviewed, the clinic had an interview with the HCO and after that we got the 'all clear'!

Babes are screaming so later more!

Passports...

2010-02-19T06:31:00.002+01:00

We have them!!

I haven't posted much lately, one because two babies means you're really really busy, 2ndly A has been running around Mumbai on a daily basis the last couple of weeks to get the passports.

There has happened a lot, which I will elaborate on in a later post.

But this is just one short post with a very happy message: we are almost on our way home!

Emily and James are doing so extremely well, we could not have asked for easier babies!

James does have some colic issues at the moment (he told me for hours last night:), but fortunately I bought something for that before we came here, so he's fine again... now I just need some sleep.

A is to the HCO to make the payment for the passports and we can collect them in a few days, than a visit to the ever so exciting FRRO and we are out of here!

So rather than applying for asylum here, we're excited that this whole paperwork thing is almost finished.

Besos to all and all the best thoughts for everyone who is expecting or to-be expecting soon! It is the best change in life ever.

A few more pics

2010-02-12T10:28:00.001+01:00

James foot on the left, Emily's foot on the right
James in his most favourite position

Emily just loves to look around

Finally a Pic!

2010-02-09T14:12:00.002+01:00

Hi everyone, the last week and and a bit more have been incredible! Today was for me the first time to actually get out of the hospital during daytime. James is doing very very well and is a big boy (especially compared with Emily!) Emily has had some difficulties getting started. Her weight kept on dropping and her suck-reflex is just very poor. So feedings take place every two hours (! nothing can prepare you for hardly any sleep at all!) and a feeding takes about an hour for just 20 ml. So she is still a major concern for us and we have no clue when we'll be discharged. Yesterday was actually the first day that she gained 50 gram, now the docs are monitoring her everyday to see if she has started to gain weight. The difference between our biggest joys ever is huge. James was at birth a like a full grown baby and he still is doing very well, he sleeps, eats, 'pass motion' (you'll learn) and is a very happy baby. Emily is doing well on every single part too, except the eating ( I thought girls started to get concerned over their weight when they're much older:)

There has been a lot going on for us since their birth and we are extremely happy, busy and also at times extremely tired. Alexander has been going to the clinic for "some" paperwork, to the high commission for "some more" paperwork and is a lot on the road whilst I take care of the babes during daytime. I have done it for 3 days time without a night nanny, but since Alexander has to deal with all the paperwork required he needs to sleep too. This meant that I was awake for 3 straight days and after that I collapsed, we needed help. Emotionally drained we asked for a night nurse, and for that first night it was great, I slept 7 hours! But the next night I was feeling much better again and I have difficulties appreciating our night nurse, I am sure she's a great girl, but when I feed the babes myself, I don't care if it takes 2 hours for Emily to finish her bottle, as long as she finishes it. I mean, who doesn't need a break every once in a while? Our night nurse however likes to hurry things and it makes me mad! One night it was the last drop for me since Emily just wouldn't eat and I dragged every doctor I could find in our room and demanded for Emily to be taken back into NICU and that 'that nightnurse' was responsible for the bad suck reflection of our babe. Yes, emotionally it has been a roller coaster. They understood my concern but still wanted to wait to put her on IV feeding. The next day the head doctor finally agreed with me and stated that they should have kept her in NICU longer. However, I was doing a good job according to him... bollocks! I just want our baby to get stronger! In hospital the Todds were staying across from our room (they've had two lovely boys) and they're great people from good ol' Texas. Via Asha we had contact with the Mikes (appreciated big time) and they called us to see how the babes were doing. At the moment I am still exhausted but starting to feel a bit better, but because of that I am constantly emotional. I have been crying everywhere and just about everything too. The fear for the health of one our babes was immense, also because there isn't a specific cure for it.

Emily seems to have taken life by the horns now, and has now learned how to suck. She doesn't have James' appetite, but we reckon she'll catch up to her big brother's level soon enough!

Incredible India, that's the way India is marketed in the media, well, it sure is incredible. Anything is possible (literally), and we've experienced a lot in our short time here. The Indian community must think that we in the west are ridiculous, playing things by the rules and our supposed honesty...haha...I guess it's a different way of thinking!

We're finally starting to make some headway on the consular front. We've spoken to the staff there, who have been very helpful. It is however proving extremely tiresome getting all the documents together dispersed around this metropolis, and getting them to one collection point at a certain time. Persistence, persistence, persistence, with a double shot of patience, and a patience cherry on the top seems to be required at all times!!!

We're hoping to finally get discharged from the hospital today, so fingers crossed!

pics and short update

2010-02-04T07:58:00.002+01:00

Hi all! We're absolutely nackered and happy, still in hospital and both babes are doing fine. I made a mistake in my previous post I believe (I am in twilight zone due to lack of sleep:)
James was a staggering 6.4 pounds and Emily a solid 4.2 pounds!
Because James is so big, Emily seems so so small, but there are plenty of examples here of children who are tinier than our troopers!
Internet is rubbish here (at least in our room), so this is just a short one, but I really want to show of our beautiful babes! Once we're in the hotel we'll post loads and loads more!

They're here!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-30T12:23:00.002+01:00

James William Thomas and Emily Isadora Adriana are born!!! They are both healthy, one a little over 4 pounds and the other one just 4 pounds!

I can not express our emotions besides: we were just sobbing on the phone and I am still crying my eyes out!

The most amazing woman we know is tired and doing fine, we are so incredibly thankful.

And also to you, some of you we've met, some of you only via the internet, but the support we've had has been so important.

After I get there we'll post a photo (the cable is in my suitcase.. here with me!) and more details of our babes.

We're just soooooo happy!

B-Day

2010-01-30T08:39:00.002+01:00

Early this morning A called me, he spoke to dr Soni and today is birth day!

No later than 3pm Mumbai time will she perform a c-section... as mrs N is in labour already there is still a possibility that they're born through a natural delivery, either way, its unstoppable!

According to our doc the babes should be fine, but my nerves are uncontrollable.

I'll soon post more!

still waiting

2010-01-29T21:25:00.002+01:00

A is still in hospital, just sitting around and waiting. He is bored! This morning his mobile phone was stolen (pick pocketed) so that was a bummer and then the hotel 'thing', we are early, we know that, but everything is full at the moment and when you're waiting its more fun to do so next to a pool than in a hospital:)

He did meet the Todds from Texas, their twins are born and as I understand it all goes well. If you read this: congratulations!!! Hopefully till next week!

Today I went to work again, but found it hard to concentrate and had the worst day in my career at this job. There was a decision made which I didn't agree with, but had to enforce it anyway; I do not like doing things I do not agree with and thats an understatement.

Meanwhile I was trying to get in contact with a stressed out A who was running around to see if he perhaps left his mobile somewhere, friends and family who are calling me at the same time to hear if there's any news, co workers who want to express their support and all I can think of at the moment is let me sleep! And I want to be with A!

It feels like being in a waiting room in another part of the world.

We are really glad that our surrogate and the babies are still doing fine and we're counting every single day as a bonus now, also we're a bit surprised because we didn't think it would last a day longer. So fingers crossed a little longer

who's in a plane?

2010-01-28T17:06:00.003+01:00

Well, we both didn't sleep to much and I checked my email throughout the night about every half hour and not without result: at 0600 am we received a message that it is likely that the birth will proceed, we immediately jumped in our car and I drove A to the airport, and got him on the first flight. I couldn't go due to my very very stupid visa! So I have to wait a couple of days before I can go unfortunately. However, today I've been calling the clinic several times and the babes are still safe and sound! They are still trying everything to keep them in just a little longer. We are nervous as hell but prepared as heaven, A will land in 15 minutes in Mumbai and he will book in to the hospital (bloody hotel booking!) as soon as there is news I'll post again!

dilated

2010-01-27T21:38:00.003+01:00

OMG. Today we received an email which stated that our surrogate has been admitted to hospital (again) and she was dilated with two centimeters... still a long way to go. But I can't describe the motions we went through once we've read this announcement. We know that if the birth will take place now, everything should be okay, but it's getting more than real now!

I was at work when A rang me and we put everything in gear to inform those who needed to know that there is a chance that we'll be on a plane either tomorrow or in the next coming days.

We phoned with our great doc in the hospital, and as many people have written before, she is so cool, direct, realistic and thus comforting for 'us' westerners. She told us to stay put and await her call, at the moment she is doing everything she can to keep the babes just a little longer in there and if labour won't be stopped, she'll know tomorrow and inform us direct. In any case, we're hoping for an extra week.

Both our parents were the once we called first, my dad's response was that he'll come over this week to finish the last bits in our house, A's mum phoned about ten times to talk about the stroller she's buying us and my mum was saying a dozen times that she will take us to the airport. And at first we didn't think to much about it, but tonight we called friends and all of them were telling us of things they would like to do whilst we're away, in all; everybody is so exited and everybody has the same nerves as we have.

Whatever happens; we're ready to go! We'll keep you posted and thanks everyone for all the support! Fingers crossed just a little longer

just a short, special, post

2010-01-22T21:18:00.002+01:00

We just received this pic of our surrogate.. well we have one with her head of course. But just look at her belly! Our babes are in there!! In the pic with her face she looks so amazing, she is giving us the most amazing gift ever, at the moment we feel just very humble.

So fingers crossed for a few more weeks of an uneventful pregnancy!

short update+pics

2010-01-18T20:32:00.004+01:00

It has been a time since my last post! This is all due to the fact that we're both too busy at the moment. Our surrogate has been in hospital, but is out of hospital since last week. We thought that she was released weeks ago already, but, the thing is in India someone is released from hospital after paying the bills. We did pay immediately the the itemized bill, but we had to pay an advance already for the delivery... nobody told us however so it took a little longer to get her released from hospital. Besides that, we've been working hard to finish the nursery (which still isn't finished lol). I have made a few pics but can't upload them for some stupid reason.

At work it has been incredible busy, I had to do the yearly evaluation of 28 people. They all deserve a well through thought written evaluation so I locked myself in an office for a few days to finish it all and after that I had all the face2face meetings so after a few weeks I feel emotionally drained!

But besides this, the 'getting ready mode' for India is really an emotional stretch at the moment. Regularly I wake up in the morning with the horrible thought that I slept the whole night and I didn't wake up to feed the babes and after just a minute reality kicks in and I feel okay right away... just for a minute to check our email to see if there's a message from the clinic... my heart races big time and so far: no message. If A is flying the next thing I do is check the news online to find out if all planes are still up in the air. I feel like a wreck! And this has been going on since our surrogate has been hospitalized. I am so glad that I have been so incredible busy at work otherwise I am sure I would have turned into a loony.

In a way it is all okay of course since my mind is just preparing for the change in our household. And I (never used too) pray, and I am not sure to whom I pray, but I just pray that our babes and our surrogate hang in there; it is way to early for them to be born already... also because we're still name juggling. I think we are having boys, but am not sure of course until they are born, so we have to have a set of names for girls as well. But since I feel so convinced that they will be boys, we haven't got an agreed set of names for girls. Wow, after writing this all I do feel like a loony. We did paint our own nursery painting for the babes, not finished.. but almost! And yes, I will post more regularly, because after all, this is a journey to remember. Anyways, I will try to add a pic of our nursery, here goes:

A rocky start of 2010

2010-01-03T22:42:00.002+01:00

First of all a happy 2010 to all!

We spent Christmas with the whole family in Spain, supposedly for the nice climate but unfortunately we had the worst rain ever experienced in the Malaga area. We were actually stuck in the house for a couple of days as there were landslides (not as bad as in Brazil but still horrifying). There is some damage but nothing that can't be fixed.

This weekend we received a short message from the clinic with regards to our surrogate, she had some mild pain and some contractions so she was hospitalized... for over 6 days already! We were totally shocked by this. As of today she is out of hospital again and she and the babes are doing fine. The docs put her on some contraction stoppers (tocolysis meds), since we had to deal with the weekend staff we didn't get all the information we liked.

Dr. Google came in hand and so we know now that there is a top 3 of meds that can prevent pre-term labour, usually they have to work after 48 hours, so tomorrow we'll call to see why she had to stay for almost a week.

At the moment we're still kind of shocked because last week we had email contact with one of our docs and she didn't mention it at all. Perhaps they didn't want to alarm us to early, however we do want to know!

I've re-packed the suitcase with all the stuff for the babes, so if the time comes we'll be there in a jiffy. If they're born before February A will be there alone for a short while which I find shitty but that's just the way it would be.

But we just hope, every single minute, that the surrogate and the babes can stick it out for at least this month. The survival rate for this stage is quite high, around 90%, but every single day is another day in which they can grow and get stronger. So fingers crossed big time.

All the best for everyone this year and every good thought is appreciated for our babes.

Fingers crossed!

Update is in! + pics

2009-12-21T20:05:00.011+01:00

Today we received our latest update and everything is going well. Both babes are doing absolutely fine, and mrs. N is also doing fine, all though she has large babies to carry!

We are both totally excited now we're almost there. A is in Bangkok at the moment and he rang me a dozen times over the weekend. It all comes down to being scared and freakin' happy at the same time. We also received a couple of scans, but only one out of the ten pictures was clear enough to see a baby which was sucking his/her thumb.. we hope (s)he will carry on doing so after birth:)

I was really hoping for clear pics but they were mostly a blur to be honest. However, I've uploaded a few images and if anyone can figure out what gender they are; feel free to guess in your comments!

Fingers crossed for uneventful pregnancies! Enjoy your holidays, we definitely will enjoy our last Christmas without our babes! Can't wait for next year.

REAL TIME USG OF THE GRAVID UTERUS REVEALS:

A twin, live intrauterine pregnancy with both foetuses in cephalic presentation is noted.

Foetal cardiac activity and limb movements are observed. FHR1: 135 B/M. FHR2: 140 B/M

Two placentae are seen. One is along the anterior wall and one along the posterior wall.

They show grade 2 maturity. There is no evidence of placenta previa.

Liquour is adequate. A membrane is seen separating the two foetuses.

The lower uterine segment is normal. There is no evidence of incompetent os.

The cervical length is 3.6 cm.

Various foetal parameters are as follows:

(FOETUS 1 RIGHT SIDE – CEPHALIC) (FOETUS 2 LEFT SIDE - CEPHALIC)

BPD 1	8.1 cm.	32.6 Weeks.	BPD 2	7.0 cm.	28.2 Weeks.
HC 1	29.6 cm.	32.5 Weeks.	HC 2	27.2 cm.	29.5 Weeks.
AC 1	27.3 cm.	31.3 Weeks.	AC 2	24.4 cm.	28.5 Weeks.
FL 1	5.9 cm.	31.1 Weeks.	FL 2	5.5 cm.	29.0 Weeks.
FL/AC1	22 % NO IUGR.	EBW1: 1789 gm.	FL/AC2	22 % NO IUGR.	EBW2: 1300 gm.

Following foetal organs (both the foetuses) are well visualized and do not show any obvious abnormality.

* Spine * Brain *4C Heart *Kidneys * Stomach * Bladder *3 Vessel cord

* Eyes * Nose * Upper limbs * Lower limbs.

It should be noted that because of foetal movements, position and quantity of liquour all the foetal organs may not be visualized optimally in one scan.

IMPRESSION: A DICHORIONIC, LIVE, TWIN PREGNANCY WITH BOTH FOETUSES IN CEPHALIC

PRESENTATION.

BY ET, THE GA IS 28 W. 2 D. EDD: 13.3.10.

BY USG, THE GA1 IS 32 W. 0 D. --- LARGE FOR DATE.

BY USG, THE GA2 IS 29 W. 0 D.

just busy and a link

2009-12-18T19:32:00.002+01:00

And we're a week closer again!

This week we haven't had any news so fingers crossed.

Two day ago my dad visited us so he could give us the shots for swine flu.

In Holland new borns won't get these shots until they're at least 6 months. And even though I know A through and through I was very much surprised to find out that he hates getting shots!

That night we also chatted via Skype with A's mum and my mum who are both in Spain, and since A's mum hadn't seen the nursery yet we showed it via video conferencing... and I also showed them the ordeal of getting A to sit down, look to the other side and my dad giving him his shot.

Not a pretty sight :)

But anyways, the pressure at the moment is quite intense, there is still a lot to do before we leave and we're just not home a lot the next coming weeks.

So I better get on with it, as soon as our next update is in I'll post it.

Good thoughts for everyone and fingers crossed for uneventful pregnancies!

Ps. here's a link to a site where they sell a story book for children with two daddies:

http://www.feel-good-families.com/

No pregnancy diabetics!

2009-12-10T00:49:00.004+01:00

We received a new update and the results of the sugar tests and all is fine! It really seems to go by the book this pregnancy (knock on wood for the ... I lost count).

Both babes are still larger than babes usually are at this gestational age, they're also both quite a lot heavier again: the smallest one is 1 kilo (2lbs) and the bigger one is 1.4 kilo (2.7lbs).

The doc will make a pic of our surrogate at the next visit so finally we'll get to see her belly!

Our surrogate is doing fine and she is taking very good care of our babes, today I spent some time thinking of her and how her being a surrogate is life changing for so many. I mean, she will give us the greatest gift I can ever hope for and she will be able to provide education and other really life improving things for her family.

I just read on another blog that the IP's were sending presents over for Christmas, and I felt kind of uncomfortable because I haven't thought of that! And then again what do you send? I am sure she can use a lot of things, but I haven't got a clue what she would like.

At the moment the gestational age is almost 27 weeks and they are in breech position, the doc told us that there is still plenty of space for the babes to move around, but it seems likely that they will be born by C section. The expected due date is still the beginning of February and at the moment there is no sign that they want to come earlier than that. Which is very good!

At home we're still working on getting things ready, and it seems there is no end to it! We really have too much of everything! My father visited today and helped me clear out the storage... and throw things away. Most of the things will be sold at a flee market and the revenues will go to an elderly home (I guess it's the spirit of the year:).

My dad even tried to convince me that I should get rid of some of my Christmas stuff.. Say what! I do have to explain a little bit I guess, a few years ago there was a sale on really nice Christmas decoration and I, well lets just say I emptied the store. I think I can easily decorate about 10 Christmas trees and I know this is ridiculous but I am attached to every single Christmas ball! There are already some boxes going to Spain for the decorations there and I tried to convince my father to take some extra in his luggage but he doesn't want me to move all my stuff from here to over there. A also wants me to get rid of half the decorations but I have hold my ground:) I did promise however that I won't buy any new decoration material... ever.

All minor worries, the most important thing is that our babes are doing great and our surrogate is doing great.

Fingers crossed for uneventful pregnancies and good festive thoughts too all!

Our doc

2009-12-07T12:46:00.002+01:00

We hadn't heard from our clinic with regards to the pregnancy diabetics so we called them today and learnt that our doctor isn't working with the clinic anymore.

Anywhere in the world people change jobs so we don't have any hard feelings, but we would have liked our clinic to inform us. During this whole process you built up an relationship of trust, it starts when you first inform via email, then phone calls and so on until you have the positive result you're hoping off.

We had a great click with our doc, she was almost always on top of our case so we have to rebuilt a relationship with our new doc. I am sure many already have experienced changing docs during similar processes so I am confident that we will get to the same stage of trust again.

Our new doc did know immediately who we were and she had just seen our surrogate, she is doing fine, getting more tired as the babies are larger than they should be at this point. The results of the diabetics tests will come in this afternoon and she will email us tomorrow morning Indian time, so fingers crossed!

We got in contact with our-concierge-to-be and he is going to help us out with various things, we've decided to go along with the same concierge as the Mikes have used.

Furthermore we still haven't decided on a hotel! Bugger, still working on the best deal we can get. We did find a service-apartment for 5000 INR incl breakfast and all the amenities you can find at a hotel apartment but we haven't heard of anyone staying there and we very much like the hotel apartment where other IP's have stayed as we are sure that everything is there as it should be. So... the reason for us to look for the best deal is because we haven't got a clue how long we'll need to be there. It can easily be a month... or three.

Last weekend we went to the UK and did some major baby-gear shopping. And we are definite set to go!

Last Friday we chatted with Mike and they are sending us their baby-carry bags! Which is great 'cause I am still in shock about the amount of money we have spent in just one single store last Saturday lol. I guess I'll be in shock a lot more in the future. The whole trip was fun even though we hadn't really had any sleep prior leaving. My mum decided 5 minutes before we left that she wasn't joining us since she just read on the internet that there was a storm! A storm to powerful for her to get over her fear of the wide open sea, so it was a shame she didn't go 'cause when we got to the boat there was hardly any wind or rain and we had a beautiful crossing (really mum, there was no wind:). My dad however, was even more excited with the prospect of being on a boat with a big big storm, disappointment all around us haha. Next time we'll go by plane.

We're also working on leave from our jobs, my employer is being fairly easy but A's employer is a bit more difficult. Here in Holland there are rules for just about everything, except surrogacy.

When we would adopt we would get paid leave, but there aren't any rules on surrogacy so we just have to beg for some understanding. A already experienced that a women from HR was explaining to him that men shouldn't have children without a women being present! Some people are so ignorant and intolerant, we hired a professional to join him in his meeting today with his manager because if they are taking a stand so can we; equal rights for everyone! In two weeks time we'll hear their decision. So far we've anticipated that it will come down to unpaid leave and that's fine, but no harm in trying. Christmas is getting closer and closer and we are so looking forward to spending just a few days in the Spanish sun! After that we'll be on stand by at home to wait for the big arrival of our babes. As we are getting closer to the end and reading, talking with other parents to prepare, we still feel we're not prepared. I am scared, A is scared but confident that we will do our utmost best. But how does one prepare on sleepless nights? How can we be sure that we'll understand our babes even though they can't express themselves with words? Will we be able to tell the difference between a little cry before sleep or a desperate cry for attention, food or pains? It's just nerves I guess and we'll learn soon enough.

For now fingers crossed for uneventful pregnancies and good thoughts for everyone!

100 Days

2009-12-03T00:18:00.002+01:00

I was just waiting to write this, but till due date it is only 100 more days to go!

We're still keeping our fingers crossed for an uneventful pregnancy. Since we received the last update I am a bit anxious about the babes since they're so 'large' according to the docs... yep, I had a 'chat' with Dr Google.

We are awaiting the results for the tests for pregnancy diabetics, if they are this big due to pregnancy diabetics it can be controlled quite well by the docs.

If not treated correctly I understand that the placentae maturity can go up to grade 3, which normally should be more at the end of the pregnancy. Grade 3 maturity means that our babes won't be getting all the nutritions they need and that they should be born: and it is WAY to early for that.

But all of this is still unsure and the docs reassured us that even though our babes are quite large they still believe everything is fine with both of them. So this leaves us waiting for the results.

A was in Bangkok for a few days and he went to the Indian Visa Buro to get his visa sorted and he made the application ... in three weeks time he will be there again and thus able to pick up his visa. For him this was the easiest way to get a visa which allows him to stay for 6 months in India if needed. Next week I'll be in Belgium where I will sort out my Visa.

Fingers crossed big time for good health for our babes and our surrogate.

Good thoughts for everyone!

Large baby

2009-11-25T15:04:00.003+01:00

We got new scans! And both our babes are doing fine! Better than fine actually. At the moment were at 24.5 wks, but both of them are ahead of their growth curve, here some details:

REAL TIME USG OF THE GRAVID UTERUS REVEALS:

A twin, live intrauterine pregnancy with one foetus in cephalic presentation and one in left transverse presentation is noted. Foetal cardiac activity and limb movements are observed. FHR1: 135 B/M. FHR2: 140 B/M

Two placentae are seen. One is along the anterior wall and one along the posterior wall.

They show grade 2 maturity. There is no evidence of placenta previa.

Liquour is adequate. A membrane is seen separating the two foetuses.

The lower uterine segment is normal. There is no evidence of incompetent os.

The cervical length is 3.7 cm.

Various foetal parameters are as follow:

(FOETUS 1 RIGHT - CEPHALIC) (FOETUS 2 LEFT TRANSVERSE)

BPD 1	6.8 cm.	27.4 Weeks.	BPD 2	6.4 cm.	26.1 Weeks.
HC 1	24.8 cm.	27.0 Weeks.	HC 2	23.3 cm.	26.0 Weeks.
AC 1	22.9 cm.	27.2 Weeks.	AC 2	21.4 cm.	25.6 Weeks.
FL 1	4.9 cm.	26.3 Weeks.	FL 2	4.6 cm.	25.3 Weeks.
FL/AC1	21 % NO IUGR.	EBW1: 1012 gm.	FL/AC2	22 % NO IUGR.	EBW2: 850 gm.

Following foetal organs (both the foetuses) are well visualized and do not show any obvious abnormality.

* Spine * Brain *4C Heart *Kidneys * Stomach * Bladder *3 Vessel cord

* Eyes * Nose * Upper limbs * Lower limbs.

--------

As it looks now we will be staying at the Vits, somewhere this week it should be confirmed. And furthermore everything is going according to plan. The last weeks of a turbulent year have started and we look forward to a new beginning. Everyone who has emailed us the last weeks to help us choose hotels, concierge & nurses tips and giving us a direct contact at the High Commission office; THANK YOU BIG TIME. It is great that there are experienced IP's who share their knowledge via their blogs and via direct email.

Next week we're of to the UK for some baby shopping with my parents, as we're planning to spend spend spend we're going by boat and car... my mum really hates it and my dad loves taking the boat. Christmas will be spend in Spain, the whole family will fly out which is great but we have mixed feelings. Since our due date is getting closer I feel a bit apprehensive of leaving home, I'd rather be very close to an airport where there is a direct flight connection to Mumbai... just anxiety lol. But it will be nice to get away for just a few days and as it will be our last Christmas without Hubba and Bubba it will be extra special... although the whole family is looking forward to next Christmas WITH Hubba and Bubba.

We still haven't found a changing table which we like... and we have looked and looked and looked. Too picky? Yes I think so, but it'll be our goal to get that last piece of furniture before the end of next week.

The visas are an ordeal on itself at the moment, the rules have changed and we can only get a visa for a maximum stay of three months now, so we have to go to Belgium or any other country to obtain a visa for at least 6 months. We want to have a visa for at least six months the reason for this is that if our babes are born early they probably have to be in hospital for a longer stay, the birth certificate can take up to 21 days I believe, then there is the needed exit visas which can take some time too. In all we want to be on the safe side time wise, our goal is of course to be back home as soon as possible.

Back to Large Baby, in the document sent to us it stated that both babes are ahead but one was called Large Baby! Knock on wood for uneventful pregnancies! Good thoughts for all of you out there.

no glamour

2009-11-16T20:26:00.002+01:00

We... as in A is really busy lately because I had a little accident and am currently married with our sofa and my crutches.

All is going well with the babes and we are almost prepared for take off! Yes, suddenly it seems to go very quickly. The suitcase for the babes is getting full and our list of necessities is getting shorter:)

The nursery is not finished but will be in the next coming weeks hopefully so that leaves prep work for the paperwork which is extreme! I will post pics of the nursery... even though I am not sure why previous pics of the babes are now just a little question mark.

So I would like to call out to Susan: could you email us directly? We would like to ask you some questions but I am not able to find your address!

We have also asked several (apartment) hotels for quotes but just one has responded so far; really the most expensive one too.

Then there is the concierge we need, I found a website called concierge4india.com, but haven't heard of anyone using that specific site. If you're already back and had an amazing concierge do not hesitate to email us! We understand that they can make a difference in staying 1.5 month or 3 months.

Both granny's will probably join us after a few weeks in India 'cause obviously waiting to meet their grandchildren is not in their book lol. And when we think of flying back with our babes, we can imagine that every helping hand is welcome:)

Our list of names isn't set yet. We seem to be able to add names, but hardly any name sticks or we simply change our mind. I mean, hip? ancient? roman? latin? etc.. Difficult decision.

And to finish my post; I fell of a step at the petrol station... no, no glamour at all!

Real babes

2009-11-03T20:07:00.009+01:00

Hubba

Bubba

Some more scans, they are really looking more and more like proper babes. From today on we are only 14 weeks away before getting on a plane to India!

The cribs are in the nursery and it looks great, we are slowly changing our house into a child friendly-zone. The next coming months are going to be busy! Thank god they can't walk immediately 'cause then we would be in trouble from the start lol.

We're also discussing names... over and over again, we're okay for one boy and one girl at the moment but we really do need an extra set of names we both agree on.

After all the scans we received lately I think we're going to have two boys, A doesn't want to gamble so he doesn't join me in guessing-gender-games.... fortunately loads of friends and my mum like to guess too! Of course it doesn't matter what gender they are, but as I mentioned in earlier posts; I'm a curious bloke.

I got my list for 'things to take with us', it's a long list. I also explored different hotel-appartments but haven't decided yet, today I also looked into short-lease furnished apartments in the Powai area, didn't find many furnished apartments but the ones I did find were considerable cheaper and bigger compared to the apartment hotels. But the thing is, it also means we would have to cook:( everyday, and the amenities of the hotels with all their service would be very much missed!

Hotel apartments seem to be more expensive now compared to when we were there earlier this year so in the end it will be a budget thing.

Anyways, we still have some time to decide and the most important thing is that our babes are doing fine!

Thumbs up for uneventful pregnancies

dvd impossible and an impossible list

2009-10-31T09:35:00.004+01:00

I have been trying to edit the dvd we received of our babes, but I just don't get it right. The name of our wonderful surrogate keeps its place on the dvd, and we do not want to expose her name. Its a shame 'cause it would be great to share these images of our babes!!!

Yesterday we received another update of the babes with a few more scans, they are both still doing fine and growing... faster than I thought twins would grow. They are both ahead the grow- curves and the expected delivery date is now 10 days earlier. We asked our doc when we should be in Mumbai to be in time for the delivery and it still is Valentines day 2010, I don't think they will arrive exactly that date but near to that date anyways, twins do tend to come a bit early. Tomorrow we'll be picking up one of the cribs we bought and next week the other one, V-day is getting closer and we really should start to get the nursery ready. So far we have been anxious to start but at the same time a little hesitant, we just didn't want to jinx it. But as we are halfway there, we should start now.

Last week my mum stayed over for a few days and she went to the babydump store with A, and also some other baby stores as well. She can't resist buying something when she is in a baby store and she bought one big kangaroo and a big furry dog and some smaller items. We also have been looking into things we need to bring to Mumbai and many months ago I read a list of someone else with advice what to take. Stupid me but I didn't copy-paste it into my to-do list.. So experienced IP's: your list is more than welcome! I mean, I read about people who brought their own diapers but had to buy new ones locally as the nurses didn't approve of the diapers which were brought over. Formula is another big issue, which one is best? Is it best to bring your own so the babes don't have to change back to a different formula once you get home? How many bottles should you take with you? (I can multiply if you only know it for a singleton:)) How many onesies to take? My mum says that 7 each should be alright. Which bottle sterilizer is the most handy one to take along? What meds should we have with us all the time for the babes (if any)? Breath in and out I know, but there is so much to think about and becoming first time parents you just don't want to forget anything.

The hotel or apartment will be sort out this week, haven't really decided yet but the Vits seems to be popular these days (if you know how far it is from Hiranandini(?) pls share this info). And what about car seats? Do you take a maxi-cosi for the car rides in Mumbai or can you just hold them? (here in Holland you can be put in jail if you don't put your baby in a proper car seat). Also I would like to get some advice on a gift for our surrogate, we haven't met our surrogate and I doubt we will actually, but we do like to give her something. For her it must be an emotional ride as well and I am sure she will think of our babes in the future too hoping that they are loved, cared for and become great individuals when they grow up. It is a promise that we will do everything in our power to provide them with love, be caring parents and the best in all they need. But how do you express this to someone who is giving us the greatest gift?

Anyways, any word of advice, link to your post on the subject, is greatly appreciated.

Fingers crossed for uneventful pregnancies!

dvd

2009-10-23T21:52:00.004+02:00

Today we received a dvd with the last scan! It's incredible to have a sneak preview of hubba and bubba. They are having a blast in there, it even seems as if they are playing together or is that wishful thinking?

I do have to say that as they are both still developing, the 4d part of the scan was at first a bit scary, I mean you suddenly see them in sephia and you can clearly see a big head and a rather small body still. Their faces are beautiful visible, one of them really likes to suck his thumb, the other one is still trying to find its mouth lol. But it is amazing that they already look as developed as they are, you can clearly see their bones, heart, brain and a little foot. A is in the UK right now, but this morning I couldn't wait and drove before work to the DHL office to get our package... I also took my laptop so I could immediately watch it. I talked A through the whole dvd and he'll see it tomorrow. So glad A didn't mind me not waiting.

Tomorrow afternoon we'll drive to my parents so mum can watched it too (she can not wait any longer).

And with regard to their gender, yes I expected it would be easier to detect anything with a film of the scan, but as a matter of fact, there is no way even a pro would be able to identify their gender. They are both just way to active to hold still, mmm ADHD already? haha.

I am trying to find a way to edit the film so the name isn't visible of our surrogate, and then we'll post it (if you know a easy way to edit pls let me know!)

What a week it has been, time seems to pass by so quickly and we still have SO much to do.

We haven't made much progress on the nursery, I mean the room is almost empty but we still have to decide on the colour and furthermore we haven't actually bought that many items.

The biggest issue is the changing table, they are all the same and just to small. The beds are decided on so that's easy but we also need a new closet for them; yes another big item to match with the other items in their room. Then I've been reading this book of Gina Ford The Contended Little Baby and she has a lot of opinions on just about anything so I have to work her ideas into our room supposedly... A told me not to use this book as my own personal bible.

I am blabbering again, but I'll post it anyways because I saw our babes on DVD!!!!

Fingers crossed for uneventful pregnancies and also good thoughts for those awaiting news!

updates

2009-10-20T22:58:00.002+02:00

Another week went by and we received more scans over the weekend, this time the scans were more about measurements and therefor it didn't really show the form of their body. One scan stood out from the rest because it was just one pic of a foot! How tiny and how perfect a little foot can be.

Our surrogate is taking really good care of our babes.

Last week we've asked if it was possible to receive a picture of our surrogate and if possible her belly, we also asked for a video scan and today the doc emailed us that they were going to send it to us!

Jippie! We really enjoy the (almost) weekly updates, its like a drug to us. Every time we receive a scan I start wondering what gender they are, so far there aren't any scans were you can tell their sex. And I am getting so curious! At first we thought that as we arranged everything so far, it would be nice to have a last big surprise at when they are born and A still feels this way... but I am so curious! Its a good thing the docs don't tell you because I would not be able to keep that to myself LOL.

As to why we would like a picture of our surrogate, we try to look into the future and we think that if our babes want to see the belly they grew in until their birth, it can be helpful. Our book of the start of this journey 'till were we are today is getting thicker and we hope these books become a treasure to both of them when they're older (we're making two exact books for the both of them; might as well get used to do everything double)... and if not they can always use it as a book-end.

Good thoughts too all and fingers crossed for uneventful pregnancies!

Busy,Triple marker test, payments, time, dreams

2009-10-13T09:44:00.006+02:00

We have been awfully busy lately. We went to the UK for a weekend to spend time with family and it was great. I also got to meet family which I hadn't met so far and they made me feel so welcome! It was at the house of a cousin of A's mum, he is 87 yrs old and even though it didn't seem he fully understood the whole surrogacy process, he was truly very enthusiastic about us having twins. A and I had a day trip to the lake district and visited a place called Windermere, Beatrice Potter the writer of Peter Rabbit lived there.. yes the book collection for babes has started.

Last weekend there was a reunion from A's school and as many people flew in for the weekend I now feel as if I am a binge drinker, british people are known for their drinking capability but I am quite confident I blended in without a hitch.

The last test results came in for the triple marker test, I am not sure how many times they do these test because after the first twelve weeks there was a test done and now again: but its always good to hear things are fine with our babes! (knock on wood).

These last couple of weeks have been horrific on the payment side, we didn't seem able to wire the payment, it came back several times and because of the exchange rate changing a couple of times (and we weren't lucky here) it has cost an extra rib for us... bummer. It did go well the last time, not sure what 'caused the hick up but it's done now.

Time: we are short of time. There is so much to do at home, work, studying, getting in contact with a person from the high commission office UK in Mumbai (pls email us if you know someone), arranging time of from from work, learn about babies, socializing (now we still can lol) and emotionally preparing ourself for the biggest change ever!

Last week A woke up early in the morning, I was already preparing for work and the first thing he said was: I had a dream about hubba and bubba (the babes), we were visiting family with them and we had all these bottles with their formula but no suck-thing for on top (no idea how that thing on top is called) so we couldn't feed them and they started crying and we couldn't console them: horror! And then A said: o, btw we're having two sons according to my dream. Yep, the sleep came back and he dozed of again.

I just do not have a clue what gender they will be but there are more people who think it will be two boys but there is also a big crowd who really feels strong that it's going to be a boy and a girl, two girls would be in fact a big surprise, mostly because nobody seems to think that.

As we are getting closer we get more anxious to know what gender they are. It will be the last surprise, but having ten fingers and ten toes, each, is much much much more important than knowing what gender they are.

We can (NOT) wait to meet hubba and bubba and since the last scans where they are looking like really tiny human beings the bonding has really really really started big time. We love them both already to pieces and we hope they stay safe and sound where they are now. Good thoughts to all and fingers crossed for uneventful pregnancies!

Good thoughts and a picture!

2009-09-29T22:59:00.002+02:00

Well I guess this is a first for us but we actually posted our first picture of one of our babes! We received these last weekend whilst we were in Toronto Canada (btw I love canada; beautiful country/city and super kind people). We are so so so so so thrilled! I really like this picture since s/he seems to be having fun in there. Things are still going great (I just knocked on wood for the one billion time almost). All the other pics are incredibly clear as well and I think I could tell the gender of one of them (after searching for examples for both gender pictures on the internet). The pics were actually made almost two weeks ago but for some unclear reason it took a little longer before they were send to us.

Last week I went along with A to Toronto Canada which was on my top list of places I have wanted to visit for years and we decided that we should enjoy the freedom to do that now... next year will be so incredibly different. The Niagara falls were great, mostly because we went on the Maid of the Mist boat. Whilst we were waiting to get on board in our blue plastic raincoat there were some tourist from Japan waiting as well. We saw them putting household foil on there shoes (pictures only on request lol) and we thought that was kinda over the top. Boy were we wrong! We were soaked! Due to jetlag we were there VERY early in the morning so there was plenty of time to visit the outlet stores just over the border in the US. A searched the internet for strollers and supposedly there were some big stores with only strollers: we did not find them but we did find plenty of other outlet stores with baby stuff. So we gave in and bought some of clothes from Osh'kosh B'gosh (or something like that) for when they are newbies, 3 months old and 12 months old, we know that is a bit early but o well.

Crossing the border between Canada and the US wasn't a big pleasure. Every time I enter the US for a visit it seems that the police thinks we are criminals with bad intend. It feels horrible. Both our passports have stamps from all over the world which is of course terribly scary, we look like mafia since we are from another continent so therefore we cannot be trust. In all, the border people don't make you feel welcome. Of course after 9/11 things are different in the US now, but I never think of myself looking like a crook and that is exactly the feeling they give me. I have been reading about tourist figures to the US and they have been going down for a while now, even in the US people are talking about the way tourist are welcomed at the border and the way people are treated. I just hope that a bit more reality is kickin' in 'cause we are not used to cops shouting: 'Step away from your vehicle SIR, hand your keys over and wait here!" I mean, do they really think that us two queers will put the pedal to the metal? LOL. According to A the border people here in Holland are just the same for people from other continents. I feel ashamed if this really is the case, so therefore: sorry for rude Dutch people! When we crossed the border again back to Canada we took the wine route to Toronto and I do not want to insult the canadians, but I never knew they made wine in canada. The route back to Toronto was beautiful, the space people have in Canada isn't comparable to the space people have here in Holland and now I understand why people think it is crowded here in Holland. I mean in Toronto there are so many houses with gardens in the middle of the city, its just unheard off! We also went for a drive through Wisteria Lane. Yep, we found it, it's in Edwards County Canada. At the sailing club we talked with a lady who lives there and she told us; yep, it looks like Wisteria Lane, it feels like Wisteria Lane but without the high heels, no cocktails and only if you are actually from the place people will talk to you. She was definitely from far far away:).

That evening we went to a bar in Toronto with horrible looking drag queens, which they were only for the occasion to collect money for people/children with aids. But one of them stood REALLY out from the crowd, just imagine your neighbors grandfather, in a short white dress, high heel shoes, big Marilyn Monroe look a like white sunglasses and a BIG white wig... and a white beard. What people do for a good cause. Since I am not particularly good with time differences we didn't stay too long... and also after one drink we saw enough haha, we went back to the hotel. The day after we spent exploring the city and flew back again late that evening. I had to get back to work again and since A has is fixed annual holiday he went to visit family in the UK, I'll join him for the weekend.

So in all, we are enjoying our time together to the max and we are also preparing big time for the big change next year. Good thoughts to all and especially for our surrogate and our babes!

A's blabbering

2009-09-19T23:13:00.003+02:00

Three and a half months on, the nerves have settled a little, but we're opening another can of nerve-worms as we speak! What colour to paint the walls of the babies' room!? Everywhere we go (and that's a lot), we see baby cots, baby car seats, baby jump suits, baby shoes, baby socks, baby uggs (can you believe it!), baby bottle warming equipment and much much more. What to choose and in which colour? The baby vanity is mounting! haha, it's a hard life!

We've been to see a baby daycare facility near us, and it was impressive, if somewhat huge! The fear of leaving your baby with strange people is a daunting prospect (even when you haven't physically got the babes in your arms yet). It's a highly emotional and traumatic situation. We've therefore now asked Niels' mum to be to help us a little on certain days. Because I was virtually brought up by my grandparents as a child, I find it extremely important that our children's grandparents play a big role in their development.

We're still nervous regarding the progress of our surrogate. That's more to do with the so-called time delay of the info coming from India rather than any real fear! We've received a number of emails just saying that the surrogate is doing well, not really a satisfactory answer you may agree? The pressure is now on to get that much wanted extra info and see those photos we've been waiting for!

We also received a kickass song from the Mikes, don't forget to check their blog!

and some more blabbering

2009-09-06T21:52:00.003+02:00

I was home alone this weekend and enjoyed doing absolutely nothing this weekend! Just had a few drinks at our local bar and watched all new episodes of the X factor UK! It is a bit sad but I am actually addicted to this show, I've seen it the last couple of years and I am still amazed how much talent they find in the UK.

I never watch the dutch version cause we dutch do have some talents but singing isn't one of them!

On the pregnancy side nothing much is happening, everything seems to go alright. We did receive our invoice for the next trimester which means getting closer to our goal.

Now we're getting further in the whole process, it also means for me that I start to wonder what sort of parents we will be? And how will we manage time wise to get all things done? I mean as much as we love having two babes in our lives it is the biggest life changing event I can envision.

The surprise of expecting two babes instead of one is great but it also means a lot of extra changes. I mean, A is gone for at least two days a week and sometimes even three and how will I manage to feed two babes alone at night when they both need to be fed? Scary!

Last week we went to the day care center for our intake, and even though it looked great, really friendly staff and all, I did think it is strange that after the long road we have been following to get were we are today we will take our babes to a day care center. It is only for a maximum of two days a week and supposedly it is good for the development of their social skills but I rather have them at home. Having said that, I rather have night care lol.

At the same time things have always worked out well for me and A so bullocks to scary moments!

We also started to move things out of our office which is going to be the nursery.. this means that my painting room will also be a office. The babes will be sharing a room and I guess that's okay for the first year or so. We haven't got a clue yet how we want the nursery to look but we have started exploring the internet stores, in Holland it is common to start work on the nursery when there is still three months pregnancy left so enough time to do that.

I am really in a blabbering mode these last couple of weeks but heck I'll enjoy my blabbering moments as much as I can! Good thoughts to all.

just some blabbering

2009-09-03T13:57:00.004+02:00

After we received our last scan, we felt secure enough to sign up with a day care. We found out they weren't taking any extra kiddos and there was also a waiting list.

So much to our surprise we received a letter that we are granted with two spots at the day care, starting august 2010. Beside the fact that the costs are incredible, we are happy with the flexibility they offer. We need at least two days a week, but due to A's work these days differ, of course this is a great reason for them to raise the bill. I actually think that starting a day care isn't a bad idea, I mean two kids two days a week day care will cost us about 1300 euros a month, there is a tax deduction but what a profitable business.

I do think I would go mental with 4 babies to take care of all by myself so probably not the best business adventure for me lol.

more details

2009-08-25T20:43:00.002+02:00

Things seem to go well, our surrogate is doing fine and so are our babes.

We are feeling more relaxed now and we feel we can also start enjoying this journey, better said we are allowing ourself now to enjoy the ride! Sure we are aware that a thousand things can happen but we will deal with it if 'it' occurs.

Fingers crossed for an uneventful pregnancy.

Some more details about both our babes just about 12 weeks, the next scan follows in two weeks time:

FHR1: 176 B/M.

FHR2: 182 B/M

Foetal movements and heart activity are present.

There is no evidence of a subchorionic bleed.

The lower uterine segment appears normal.

Bilateral adnexa are normal.

IMPRESSION: A DICHORIONIC TWIN INTRAUTERINE PREGNANCY IS NOTED.

Next scan

2009-08-23T23:17:00.001+02:00

We received the next scan over the weekend, everything was fine!

Both are doing really well it seems, we just got home and finally internet access again, I'll post details tomorrow.

But let me tell you, we are both thrilled!!!

it's not always about us

2009-08-18T22:00:00.005+02:00

The last week a lot has happened in surrogacy land, just read the unfortunate stories and you know what I mean.

nnign is a title I won't be using again, because sadly its not true so I changed it.

Communication and the need for it is a personal thing as well as a customer service issue.

In this journey are many many things and moments unknown to us, but in all situations it is important that if you like or need more information, you should get it no matter what. Even when it is just for your own sanity.

The fact that one of our fellow IP's received horrific news via an email(!) makes me feel sick!

Next week we will receive our next scan supposedly, I just dread the moment.

I need to remind myself that there are also positive stories (positive pregnancy tests and baby pick up). So that's what I'll keep on trying to do; focus on our situation and positive stories (with reality in mind).

Last Saturday we went to Hamburg Germany to visit friends, we went by car this time, mostly because Germany still has the world known Autobahn were you can drive as fast as you like without getting a speeding ticket. We both had our biggest sunglasses strapped on our face crossed the border and ready to rock... unfortunately for a very big part of the route they had road work... 60 km which is about 40 mph for a very very very long part of the trip! Instead of impersonating Speedy Gonzalez we looked like sunburned Ninja Hero Turtles upon arrival.

Anyways... Hamburg is a great city to visit and we had a great time, Saturday evening we went to a modern version of a BierGarten in a city park and it was great! I still can not believe the amount of beer people can drink! actually I must admit I can not remember it either lol.

The location of the BierGarten was excellent, on a lake in a city park, a DJ playing better and better towards the end of the evening and many people just chilling with their friends.

During the day we walked and walked and walked meanwhile updating our friends of all the things happening in our life, originally she is A's friend, but I've known her for some time and sometimes you just know if someone is a good person and she and her brother are very good people. Germany rocks!

At work things are hectic, I had some sort of a promotion but I just can not seem to find enough time to do it all.

A lot of people are pulling on my sleeve but it is logical, the economy is not at its best so people feel more insecure, at the same time I am always in a 'fighting position' which means that I always try to look for the upside of things. My glass is never half empty.

In all, things are in all places hectic at the moment and I do use all opportunities to distract myself from the most 'hectic to be part of our life'... work is a very good one!

This weekend my mum invited us for a weekend in Lochem... its a very small place in the east of Holland, nothing to do except long walks and visiting the Kroller Moller museum (a must if you're in Holland and you have enough time of course).

A friend of us has a part in a musical production and coincidentally playing in that area and invited the four of us to the show, my mum is looking more forward to meeting the star of the show afterwards cause she saw him being elected on tele.

The weekend after is A's birthday and since both our families are in Spain then, we've decided to fly out for the weekend as well. That weekend is also special for us since we will have passed the first trimester big time by then and we both hope that I won't have any morning sickness by then anymore. this is a joke.

We both feel excited to be with both families as everybody is so encouraging, supportive and hopeful along with us!

A and I are aware that the amount of traveling we are currently experiencing will be a whole lot less and different next year round and most people will be traveling to Holland to visit us which is great too.

It is really difficult for us to predict what will or will not be possible. We have friends who have three young daughters and they travel at least twice a month to their family home in france, just throw everything in the car and hit the road, other friends of us with one child are always planning well in advance before going anywhere! And sometimes they are a bit frantic about spontaneous decisions. We can relate to both but I guess it all depends on the needs of our kiddos. We have many things to learn and we are looking forward to it!

Okay, another post of blabbering, parts serious and parts about our life and parts not mentioned which are the wonderful conversations between A and I, conversations with friends about how our life is going to change, our hope, dreams and also their joy, hope, dreams and some times misery in their life. It's good to remember that it's not always about us, except for this blog:)

we'll see

2009-08-09T12:11:00.005+02:00

This week we contacted the clinic to get all our questions answered.

And things are fine at the moment, which is a relieve but we still have to get through the first trimester.

Also some doctors around the world(!) have responded to my questions.. I know, it's sick, at least their response is exactly similar with our docs in India based on the information given.

So finally some sanity is kickin' in and I am really doing my utmost best to let go, go with the flow, don't worry & be happy. Its probably a good lesson for me to learn early on that me being in control is not going to happen with regards to our kiddos. A is a lot more relaxed and easy going and I just wish I could say that reflects on me with a snap of my fingers. It just doesn't, we do have talks about our different approach to this and it comforts me a lot in a way to see A's peace with it. However...(lol as in not convinced totally) I also think that when you would shake the cards again and being a frantic would be the norm that would mean I could go around and tell A to worry more. Wouldn't that be a blast!

I really could start now and complain how long this waiting feels but I am not at that point anymore and I am sure most of you out there are/have been in/ will be in the same situation soon. It just sucks so I deal with it.

So its best to focus on other things; A is off to Shanghai and took a friend along on standby, they are having a blast I heard!

Since I really have to save all my days for next year I won't be traveling as much as I like (according to my father "get used to it").

Saturday I went house shopping with my parents, they sold their place in the south and are looking into different houses at the coast (nearby our home..they are SO preparing to become actively involved grandparents!) We saw three places (I loved them all)! The houses we went to see were all waterfront-side with space for a boat and with a large garden. Since we live in the centre of a city we are both actively hoping for a green, spacious on the waterfront-side house to go to in the weekends! LOL (we really do not care that my mum never wants to take a boat out on the water, just sitting in it makes her feel sick, that my dad just doesn't want to have to do any work in a big garden ever again).

We'll see were they end up, we went back to our place and my mum saw a house for sale at the end of the park were we live... she texted me this morning that the pics on the internet looked promising. I told her that A and I will move at some point haha.

A's mum lives in Spain and is also preparing for her new role as Gran; she gave us a toilet.

You might wonder why, well, our town house is designed as a family house, but somethings aren't well thought off. The bathroom on the fourth floor does not have its own toilet and since the spare room is on that floor too it is of course a lot easier when she stays over she doesn't have to go to the loo downstairs and tataa this is were the toilet comes in.

Friends of us are also rooting for our babes, their support, encouragement and distractions are really great (hint I really liked our day out to Antwerp). In all I decided after an overkill of reading every blogg about surrogacy I could find, that NNIGN!

Scary

2009-08-03T12:45:00.003+02:00

Since a week we know we're expecting twins and we feel fortunate.
Of course a twin pregnancy has more risks than a singleton pregnancy so I worry..
Last week we recieved a first scan, which shows our babes! But (sadly?) one of them is smaller and has a heartrate which is just below average. And after a week of google I am worried sick now.
I know I shouldn't read things on the internet and it is best to wait untill the next scan, but I can not help myself. We have wanted to create a family for a long time now and since we know there is a pregnancy it is real. After the first scan which showed their heartbeats it has even become more real!
I mean, I have been reading about vanishing twin syndrome, chromosome abnormalities, heart dissabilities and many many problems more and it is driving me nuts. The thing is that baby B has a slower heartrate 115 B/M and a length of 5.5 mm which resembles the same as 6.2 weeks were it should be at 7 weeks, of course it is a small difference but I think it is a big difference early on in the first trimester. Baby A has a heartrate of 143 B/M and length is 7 mm and is doing absolutely great right now. If any of you readers have heard about such a difference between twins early on in pregnancy, please let me know!
There is one good thing, my appetite is almost gone at the moment so great way of losing weight LOL.
Fingers crossed for our babes!

twice as happy

2009-07-25T18:44:00.003+02:00

Today we received our scan! Two healthy foetals! Two!

If only words could describe our feeling of pure joy I would write them down, but no words can capture this.

Although they're both healthy, one of them is small compared to the other one but we have no idea what to think of this.

The smallest one is actually normal according to Wikipedia and the bigger one is slightly out of the higher range. The doctor emailed us and said that they are doing another scan in 4 weeks to see how the smaller one is doing because she too said that the smaller one is small in every way compared to the bigger one. But it has a strong heartbeat!

To be honest, this week I have started on a new post at least 4 times but they are still in 'drafts'. I did my math again and again after receiving the Beta numbers. And in my draft posts I wanted to share my thoughts.

The first Beta numbers were out of any normal range so I thought this must be twins, the second Beta numbers were within range but on the higher side, the third was normal for one foetal and the fourth too. So I thought that one of them just stopped developing. But now they did the scan and found two heartbeats! We haven't really looked into twin developing yet but of course we will now.

We feel so lucky at this point and also hopeful that the smaller one catches up with big brother or sister :)) The to-be grandparents are also overjoyed, my mother is burning all candles she can find. My mum can't wait to call A's mum but since we haven't got hold of her yet she has to wait (horrible yes). My dad was just proud of himself as he predicted us having twins.

We have told our closest friends that we are in fact expecting twins now but we need all the good thoughts we can get! It feels so real now, I mean, the bigger one has to keep developing as it does and the smaller one just has to catch up. There are two heartbeats, two tiny tiny foetal and two over the moon so happy to-be daddies! Pfew, every time I think that things can't possibly get more scary it just does.

This morning A got home from Canada and we read this wonderful news together, then we had to go to the dry cleaner and on our way home we passed "babydump": in English this is an awful name, in Dutch it stands for low budget baby store. So we went in to look at some things and also to get an idea about how much are beds and strollers and and and.... well I can tell you now the prices were not low budget at all haha. But they did have some cool stuff like automatic rockers, just wish they would make these for adults too. They also had some handy lists of all the things you need: also a lot and we enjoyed our first official visit whilst expecting with heartbeats!

Last weekend in Spain was wonderful and I was imagining that around the same time next year we will be there too but then with our children. But it still is difficult to really grasp how much our lives are going to change, I remember talking about preparation for their arrival with the Mike's and they too said that it really doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself because it will never be close to reality. But still we will do everything to get at least close to the best preparation ever lol.

Well folks this is it for now. Good thoughts for all who is expecting or about to be! And extra good thoughts for both our precious babies, we could not be more happy.

Rain in Mumbai

2009-07-15T07:39:00.002+02:00

We were supposed to hear from the clinic again last Friday with regards to the B numbers, however, due to the heavy rain in Mumbai at the moment our surrogate has not been able to travel to the clinic. They've arranged transport for her today so we will know more tomorrow.

I can only describe what a feeling we have at the moment. We are both still very much thrilled over the fact that there is a pregnancy, we feel confident and just hope for the best.

Last weekend my parents came back from a holiday and we hadn't seen them since we got the 'word', first thing they did was visiting us... even though I specifically said that there was nothing to show for yet:)) : my mother just could not wait to give our first present LOL, about 20 onesies. We had a good laugh, but too, it is an emotional journey for them as much as it is for us.

A is an only child so a grandchild was not something his parents expected, I am one of three and for various reasons there was no way for my parents to become a grand parent... but look where we are now! I am not really a person who wants to keep something like this a secret, also because a lot of people have known for a long time that we were trying to create our own family and also supported us and and and.. whatever.. we are ecstatic! Our love, respect and friendship goes beyond I ever expected to experience.

Here in Holland there is a saying; "ieder huisje heeft z'n kruisje" which means something like every family carries its burden or has a different road to take. For us it meant keeping our focus on the things that are really important. For others we know it meant a lot more misery..and for those of you: Whitney's new song 'I didn't know my own strength'. Perhaps I am a bit more 'mushy' now! LOL.

Tomorrow morning I am off to Spain for a few days of sunbathing. A is already there since yesterday but I am just too busy at work to take to much time off (Poor Little Old Me). Off to work and fingers crossed for good B# (... but not to high!:)

Joehoe!

2009-07-06T08:26:00.003+02:00

We just received an email which states that our surrogate is tested pregnant!!!! I think we are still in shock now.

We just phoned our parents who are as ecstatic as we are and also a little bit in shock, all of us tried constantly to temper our hope, and I think that tonight we will try to temper our feeling again to prepare us for the next 10 weeks! For now, we are as happy as one can be!

We're both in shock as especially the last week we were more and more expecting it not to be successful the first try! Of course we still have to wait if everything stays okay for the next 10 weeks and then the rest of the pregnancy of course!!

Now of to work and fingers crossed again!

1 more wk waiting!

2009-06-29T14:15:00.002+02:00

In my previous post I was wondering what the reason is to test after two weeks, but I fully understand now! It is better to know if there is a chance for a positive OR a negative after two weeks than having to wait for four weeks... which would feel like years I guess. The anxiety for the first three months will remain of course.
especially since one of my co workers wife found out that she was pregnant but when they had their first visit at the docs there was no sign of life anymore (9,5 weeks). Of course they are very very sad now 'cause no matter what if you had a positive after the home test you are hopefull of a succesful and uneventful pregnancy.
We will have to wait another week to know if the embies have been transferred succesfully and that they are trying to hold on. Then just another 10 scary weeks before we know if they are planning to go for the full ride, followed by another (at least) 25 weeks of hoping and waiting.
After I heard the story of my co worker, I did have a sad feeling but I also feel that there must have been a reason and I do hope that if we get a negative I will still feel that things happen with a reason.
But of course I can not help myself to feel so incredible positive at the moment! I am one of these persons who is mostly very much upbeat opposed to feeling insecure or down. At times people will call this naïve but its not. It is my choice to believe that we will achieve our goal and that is building our family. We do appreciate everyones good thoughts for our surrogate and we also appreciate every burned candle!
Okay, this was my last post until we get news from Mumbai, fingers, legs, arms everything crossed and good thoughts for all.

nature

2009-06-25T23:40:00.002+02:00

Well okay, after a few days things are very much back to normal again and we are back in the waiting modus.

Me waiting means me finding out things. I have been looking into the grading of three day old embryos when they are implanted if found okay. Whilst there is so much information on the subject (I like all the bloggers who extensively publish their findings) it is very hard to tell what's going to happen. We had A quality and B quality embryos. The pics of the embryos aren't very clear at first, but after looking at other pics on the internet they seemed quite okay.

Here is the big but, there is no guarantee... ever! A+++ embryos do not mean; 'we're going to stick around 9 months'

Here's where the nature part really kicks in. So far it was mostly a clinical thing for us, we had to deliver our part in the clinic and that was it, the doctor handled all the technical lab things, retrieved eggs, brought egg and sperm together and after a few days placed the best embryos back and give nature its chance to do its part.

According to the clinic they can do a pregnancy test after two weeks, however, A and I are more interested in a test after 4 weeks, supposedly most women have the pregnancy hormones in their body after two weeks even when there is not an actual pregnancy. This is due to the fact that the gestational surrogate has been given hormones to improve the 'quality' of the (*can't find the right word now). So I wonder now, why not just wait 4 weeks to do the test?

Pff, know the answer to that one; impatience!

Good thoughts to all!

Quick update

2009-06-22T21:46:00.002+02:00

I can not believe what I am typing here, but we are in our two weeks wait!!!

I got home fairly late today, A is in London at the moment, I opened my email and there was this email with pictures of embryos, attachments which stated what they had done and when the pregnancy test is!

First I rang A! And now we will wait and see what happens.

There isn't much else we can do of course, but still we are thrilled!

The feeling of seeing an embryo and to be precise our embryo is really great. And even though we both are very much aware that a whole lot of things can go wrong we will wait and see.

Fingers crossed!

trust

2009-06-18T22:20:00.003+02:00

Since my last post there has not been any news.

And I did not rang them either.

I was saddened to read that other people have had the same and or slightly different experiences. But I am wondering, am I to controlling? Obviously the doctor knows what she is doing. Would a doctor here in the Netherlands or the UK call us to involve us in every step of this? Of course they would. But then again we are not working with a clinic here but in India. So it is up to us to adjust to their habits. I do agree with other bloggers that if you want or need more information it has to be given to you immediately and especially when a timetable has changed for whatever reason!

In our case we agreed before we ever started that we wanted to be informed when things change or whatever and even though we agreed that via email there is no way of holding that against them... not that I even want too 'cause I do not gain anything arguing over this. So A is back tomorrow after a short trip and we will call them again since we are in control of our phone lol.

We are both anxious, excited, worried, nervous, optimistic, pessimistic and a lot more but even though the success percentage is not that high, we do keep in mind that there are also a lot of people who have been through all this successful. Surely we can do too!

So until further notice we choose to trust our doctor and clinic.

Good thoughts to all

when o when

2009-06-15T22:22:00.002+02:00

Another week has gone by and I really can not tell anything because nothing has happened yet.

Last week we phoned our docs to talk things through, we wanted them to know (they knew but just to be sure) that when the egg retrieval has taken place, we would like to talk with our doc on the phone so we would be closely involved in the next step deciding what to do if there where only 2 poor quality eggs (worst case scenario) or what to do if there were 4 A quality eggs. But then we found out that the retrieval has been postponed due to unclear reasons for us. The clinic is very busy, but still, when this happens one just wants to be informed.

Then I was reading a blog story which insinuated that this happens more often but for dodgy reasons... whatever that means. I mean, am I to think now that our clinic isn't doing their part of the deal?

We could ring the clinic again and again but we try to keep in mind that it is out of our hands.

I mean we are here and do not have anything to influence the process.

We have not rang again and just wait until they phone us.

I just want to be reassured that even when our doc sounded a bit surprised to speak to us on the phone and even not really recognizing us and knowing when our ED and GS cycles are, that everything is normal and that due to their success they just do not have any time to do some 'customer service activities'.

Understandably we are getting more anxious at this stage and we just hope.

Like so many others we just hope and ask ourselves: 'when o when?'

so many words

2009-06-05T00:08:00.004+02:00

Its Thursday!... which means it is almost weekend again:)

Perhaps it isn't the best time to write since we had a lovely evening with great wines.. but then again life is to short to drink bad wine and way to short not to write.

After the great comments of Kerrie (read her blog 'cause she absolutely needs support in a good way, comments of Rhonda (read her blog too 'cause she and her husband are really so positive in all their blogs and they are expecting!) and of course the comments of the Mikes:).

We met them whilst we were in Mumbai which was great 'cause they are great people and you can get a good idea why when you read their blog and how their journey went along. We have followed their story for a long time now. Not only because of the witty style of writing but also because they write as it is. I mean, at times it is so detailed that I am wondering if they carry a recorder during the day:)

Truly, there are many bloggers who are willing to share their story and it helps!

I, we find support, comfort and peace in writing our thoughts and reading your experiences and stories. Every step in the route of becoming a parent is exciting. Every decision is exciting, every disappointment which one is bound to endure is horrific. But in the end, ones personal hope and wishes make sure the circle is round as it should be... and of course hopefully with a baby. We decided not to worry and we'll see. It is a definite that the Doc and the rest of the team know what they have to do much better than I do, I mean even though I would like to tell them step by step what to do, I do not believe it would ensure succes:) Think Oprah/Dr Phil.

Regarding wedding activities: I thought it would be nice to wait until our child can attend the wedding, however, I have a gut feeling that A's mother and my parents would like to see that we get married before. Let's just say, we still have about 11 months (at least) to change our minds. And my gut feeling isn't as gutty as it sounds. They told us that a marriage in the nearby future would be appreciated haha.

This week we looked into the ICSI method again (just look on youtube) and I have decided I could not keep my hands that still. But it is an absolute amazing thing to see how these procedures are being carried out. I also googled everything on couples who have taken the journey before us, press releases and the whole lot. My bookmarks are almost equally to wiki.

Sadly Susan Boyle did not win BGT last week (as if anyone cares who won), but there is another show with even funnier singers: write; Geraldine (in the search bar of Youtube) and you'll find plenty of beautiful other Britains Got Talent singers....

I used so many words but there is just one thing to conclude this evening with: the winetasting was excellent.

Enjoy your Friday!

great party

2009-05-29T07:57:00.004+02:00

Last week we've been busy with other things in our lives, we celebrated the fact that once again I am a whole year older which of course was great fun... ha ha. I like to celebrate just about everything, except the fact that losing my young looks is not something to celebrate:) Usually around this time of year I always get remarks as; "I guess you're around 40", well if I would be 40 I would not have a problem with it, however, I am 40 MINUS 7! I mean, 7 years is a whole lifetime isn't it?

After quitting smoking and gaining 50 pnds my face is my last vanity. After getting this off my chest; surrogacy!

The stress is mounting at the moment, our doctor went on a, probably, well deserved holiday. We however were still expecting profiles of surrogates!

Since we haven't done a cycle at all yet, we thought that we would receive profiles at least three months in advance, we choose, the doc synchronizes the menses of ED and GS, ER and cycle away!

However, we received a profile two weeks ago, and keeping in mind tips & tricks from other IP's we didn't like the profile (age, weight), then we found out that our doctor was having a holiday. Okay, then I started to worry, I mean, we know the chances aren't very good the first run but we are willing to do everything in our power to create the most ideal circumstances.

Our doc is back again and she understood, emailed us a new profile which was exactly on the dot! So this went actually fairly smooth, but the thing is, the EggRetrieval is soon to be, in no way there are three months to pass by before the transfer takes place, and I do not understand how they will manage to sync the menses in just such a short period?

We've emailed that its fine with us to wait another or a second month but are awaiting an answer. I, we just have to be patient and have faith....boehoe!

Anyways, my b-day party was excellent and coming Monday is a bank holiday here in Holland so we're having a great long long weekend ahead :)

Good thoughts to all

Dates

2009-05-16T00:07:00.003+02:00

And once again we're a bit further in the whole process.. we have an estimated date for the transfer. Earlier I thought I would post these dates but now I feel like I jinks the whole thing by doing so! So I won't post the exact dates, but after it has been done, I will post this. I can tell you we have to wait for still quit some time but for us it is amazing to know when the first try is going to be!! And I am scared sh*tless. I tell you why, we are a samesex couple and we both knew early on in our lives that having a family was not likely to happen for the obvious reasons. Since a few years we know that there are possibilities to take a different route but at first we did not think we would be so lucky. Now we are getting a chance. Just getting this chance is making us happy, but the scary part is the disappointment we might face. I have read about all the figures of getting a positive result and it still is more likely to get a negative result... but still, my hopes are up so high and I try to temper myself, but at the moment I can not help to live in 'la la land'.

Last weekend a very close friend of mine had his birthday and he lives with wife and kid in the ultimate suburban area I know of (desperate housewives doesn't even get close:). And after a glass of wine I told the whole lot of neighbors there about our journey and at the end of the evening I even talked about possible names for our unborn child. I really try to temper my enthusiasm but really, it is the only topic I am interested in at the moment.

For now anyways, A and I have created our own little shell of hope, and until other further notice we keep on hoping for a good result when its our time!

a bit quiet

2009-05-11T23:04:00.002+02:00

We're home! For two weeks exactly. We had a great time in Mumbai and met some great people who were at the last stage of surrogacy; getting home their babies! Pff, wish we would be at that stage already and at the same time we're both glad we still have plenty of time to learn everything about nursing a baby haha.

I understand that the choice of my words about our ED lead to some misconception... she was not missing as in she is gone, but the clinic could not get hold of her anymore. This was due to the fact that at the moment it is summer time in India and most people tend to spent all their time with their family. After a few days they told us they found her, but she has been ill, so we would have to wait a few months before she could do a cycle. A few more days later she wasn't available at all anymore for a long long time. Well, a lot of confusion of course and I guess we will never know exactly how or what, but we did choose another ED. As things are looking at the moment they will do a first try next month or so.....

I can only say this adds to the uncertain feelings we do have at times during this process but at the same time, we're not surprised at all by this.

Of course we will push to get 'exact' dates. As soon as we know I'll post again, but keep in mind, one has to be a bit flexible here. The doctors will do anything in their power to get the best results for you and you just have to have trust in them.

Being home after a month and back at work is... well, I really have to get used to a routine again. And I am not there yet haha. That's the same with my blog rhythm and that's what I mean with a bit quiet. Good thoughts to all new parents and everyone who is doing absolute everything to get there!

we are here

2009-04-21T20:00:00.003+02:00

We blinked and our first day here in Mumbai has already passed!
I can not believe how fast time flies here.
We left Spain a day early because all flights to Paris were overbooked and we still had to sit on a jumpseat even to get to Paris. It was touch and go if we would get on the flight or not, and we only found out 15 minutes before take off that I was to join A.
We really had to run for our money but we made it... sweaty, stinky but on the plane.
It was for both of us the first time that we flew via CDG Paris. Next time via Amsterdam again please. We wanted to go into town, but since the last train back to the hotel was in an hour and a half there was no use to do that. So we enjoyed the pleasant rudeness of the parisien waiter in the hotel: "wait ten minutes yes!" ... sure we'll stand here waiting for ten minutes on what! We're not in Mumbai yet and the so warned for waiting starts already here in Europe LOL.
The good thing is that we had a good nights rest at the airport, marriot beds rock!
Getting seats to Mumbai was okay and so here we are, a day early in Mumbai and a day early to the clinic.
Yep, since we are already here, we thought that we might as well go to the clinic immediately and see where we have to be tomorrow... of course we went in to say hello and had our first appointment today. Great the flexibility of our Dr.
Less fortunate was the fact that our ED is missing at the moment, so we have to find a new ED, which is really difficult cause we just fell instantly 'in love' with our original choice. They are trying to get hold of her and we will decide Friday what to do.
Our Dr was really great, after speaking and emailing for quite some time now, it is good to see someone in real life. And it is also good to see the clinic and how things are done accordingly.

Of course, I can not leave my/our first impressions of Mumbai out. After we landed we went through customs extremely fast and we arrived in our hotel within the our! After reading other peoples experiences this was the only good thing about it.
The thing is when we were underway to the hotel we saw someone get run over by a car. And I mean; we SAW someone get run over by a car. Accidents happen everywhere, but it is traumatizing to see it happen. We both fell asleep and have woken up today with these images.
After taking lots of Tuc Tuc rides today, we fully understand why an accident as we saw can happen. Kerrie said in a comment (thank you for that btw) that we are quite some travellers and I guess Alexander absolutely is. I for that matter am more western orientated I found out today! I even can not count the amounts of heartattacks I've had in the Tuc Tuc. One of our drivers really thought he was dead or had lost the will to live any longer, another wanted to show his asparation to become a formula 1 racer and I believe in him! The city itself is lively, the people are friendly and yes, I do compare one or two things with Slumdog Millionaire and a lot of things match! The poverty is overwhelming, the richness is overwhelming at the same time and then there is a middleclass, a small one, but as some said today here in Mumbai ten years ago there was not a middleclass at all!
And now I do have to give a comment of our hotel room here in the Renaissance; it is porn! (btw in Europe this is a normal and also a sophistacated word:) The room and bathroom are divided by a big window and an automatic screen comes down if you want some private time; wow. The shower is great too; a niagara waterfall right here in our room! Well we will enjoy ourselves here.
Tomorrow we are getting a mobile number, which is a bit difficult nowadays due to the Mumbai attacks, but if you find someone who takes care of it, it is less of a hassle but do bring an extra photo. And I can also say that we LOVE the food!!!!!!!!
Now of to bed and tomorrow another day of enjoyment!

Viva Espana

2009-04-15T07:41:00.002+02:00

Since the beginning of April we are in Spain now...which is GREAT! I was desperate for some sun, warmth and other things to deal with opposed to work.

Right now we are staying with Alexanders mum at the coast near Malaga and we have been going back and forth to our place which is near her.

This trip is really special, next week we will be in India and we are preparing for that trip big time.

A's mum has expressed her hope and wishes for us as well... one of them is also a marriage:) well lets say that I am sure that one day one of us will ask the 'better half', haha, I keep feeling some missed heart beats. But most important of all, she is over the moon with our attempt of becoming parents. We already knew that, but now it's like she really would like to talk about it a lot. Where as I am hesitant of talking all the time about it, even if I could do just that at the moment, but it is still unsure if things will happen for us too! Being here in Spain gives A and me a lot of time talking about it when we're with just the two of us. And we both feel very excited!!! If you click on the links above you can read about other bloggers stories and their long and windy roads as well. We THANK all other bloggers with the ever detailed stories!

Our first appointment with the doctor is set and in total there will be three appointments, so after reading and reading (mostly A:) about Mumbai, we have decided what we will do in the meantime.

We booked a hotel which is pretty close to the clinic so that should be fine too. So all set to go and for the first time, I can't wait to leave Spain. Viva India!

dark eyes

2009-03-30T20:37:00.003+02:00

We will go to Mumbai 22nd of April, that's a definite now.
However, first we will go to Spain, we're leaving this Friday night, and sadly (not really) we are flying! We really want to have maximum time in Spain and if we were to drive over there, it would consume to much time, so now we will fly from Malaga to Paris the 22nd and then off to Mumbai! Just can't wait.
We haven't heard if the clinic already has found a surrogate yet, and actually I am still a bit apprehensive to call. I know we have to be patience and at times and I can be 'pushy'. I will wait till wednesday and then I allow myself to call.
Last Friday we got our tourist visas for India, mine was ready in a day but since A is british, it took a week to get the visa, we both could only get a visa for one year maximum, afterwards we have to renew our visas. Americans can have visas for India up to five years(!): how unfair!

Anyways, I for one haven't got any news at the moment, just that we are very anxious to go to Mumbai India, for me it will be a first and I am curious to experience what the country is like.
Last Saturday we went out for dinner to an Indian restaurant; since A and I REALLY love food, we enjoyed it very much, can't wait for all the great food we'll eat there! After that we went to a show of Pam-Ann. It's an Australian woman about airline staff. If you do not like to fly, do not google it! It is meant for a hilarious no brain moment. Of course we went to a club afterwards and we had to recover most of our Sunday, can't believe I have managed to get through today.

I also like to share some personal thoughts, cause I wonder if other people have experienced the same.
Everytime I see an Indian person, I think that our baby could look like that too. Perhaps a little lighter, but then again, A is half british and half indonesian, so it really will be a surprise for us. I know I should not whish for anything but good health, but I do hope that our baby will have dark eyes, cause I have dark eyes as well. My biggest contribution to this journey is hope, good thoughts for the ED, good thoughts for our to be GS and my love for Alex.
We are really in this journey together. And then all of a sudden, I am thinking of the colour of eyes and I find myself hoping for good health and dark eyes...

Good thoughts for the Mikes! and everyone else who is expecting or 'en route'!

camp

2009-03-15T22:01:00.004+01:00

Earlier today I was reading some other blogs, one of them reminded me that I have to do some tax work :( so I planned to do that today. However, I accepted every excuse not to do this today haha. First I went to the gym, then I just had to read 3 newspapers, a long and relaxing bath, lunch with a friend and then of to my father for a visit.. and now it is almost bed time and I just got back home: joehoe, no tax work today... well, the next coming days I have enough time to work on it.

Anyways when I was reading some of the other blogs earlier today, one of them had a music button; fab idea! With arms wide open from Creed, I even didn't know the band, but the band is great, lyrics are great and it just touched me.

So I thought I would send some camp feeling into the world. Here in Europe we have the Eurovision Song contest every year, the last time the Netherlands was in the final is years and years ago. But still, all the camp folks here in Holland get their hopes up when the song selection contest starts again. Here's the link to a vid of the Dutch and the British one... I usually cheer for both of them: have to keep my man happy :)

As you can see the Dutch one is very camp, and supposedly the act in the live show is going to be over the top with glittery costumes and things. The Brits took it a bit more serious, the singer is dead serious and cries a lot. Since Eastern Europe countries enter the contest none of the western European countries win.. or even make the final. So if you can't win, just poor some camp over your act and have fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HdGUNm6-qI =Creed With arms wide open
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te1w81E8L5A =The Toppers Netherlands EuroVision 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eADt1lFpmCA =Jade UK EuroVision 2009

Even better

2009-03-12T19:03:00.002+01:00

Well, our first choice egg donor wasn't available anymore.

So we asked for other profiles and we have chosen another one! How easy does this sound?

We thought it was best to act really quick, so after we phoned India once again, they emailed us some new profiles, within the hour we were able to make a decision and we rang the doctor back; deal secured! Even we were surprised how fast things could go.

Monday is another day of phone calls, 'cause the docs had to look into the menses of our ed and sm before securing any travel dates for us. We prefer a "fresh delivery" opposed to a frozen one, due to the fact that A does not have to work the whole month of April it is immensely important to us that April will be possible.

The date March 10 will always be remembered by us, A had some good news on a contract and we now know the other 'half'! We celebrated with close friends that night all the good stuff in our lives.... and of course drinking away the CC (creditcrunch:) haha.

We have been following numerous people who are far ahead in this journey and we learned early on that money is or can be an issue. However, we both worked on this as a 'regular contract' and hopefully there won't be any problems at all. But we did learn that if something is so desired by us, we cave in in an instant. But at the same time we learnt (thanks to various other bloggers) that you have to be very clear on the money side and that securing the amounts is very clear for both parties. (... we should have done this part better with our solicitor:(

It still feels strange to talk, write or think business like in such an emotional ordeal.

Last week was Restaurant Week in the Netherlands, it is a great week because a lot of restaurants offer a three course dinner for only 25 euro! Even better is that a lot of the more expensive restaurants joined the Restaurant Week 09 as well, gotta love bits of the CC.

We had our fair deal of exclusive dining for this month.

Our workweeks are better again since we didn't get a new contract for March so we do not have to work 24/7 anymore.

In April we will drive(!) to Spain. One way is 2000 miles. A has done it a couple of times before, for me it will be a first. First we will drive to a very picturesque village in France and stay there for the night, then we'll stay in a wonderful picturesque motel close to the motorway and our last stop is in Madrid which is crazy! I love Madrid! It can be as busy, hectic, lively, colorful, hot, green, grey, cold as New York can be.

Our family house, available for rentals btw, will be finished by then. Mumbai is either before that trip or after that trip. And if Mumbai has to be in the middle of April, Spain will have to wait until October.

It is also a definite that we go together to Mumbai. At first I thought that A might as well go to Mumbai by himself this time. I mean, he has to deliver something and that is it this time. Since I do not have to many paid days of absence, I thought I better save them. But it is a journey we are on together, so we'll go together and we will take the opportunity to visit the country and get to know its culture better than just read books about India.

The next time when we're there, we hopefully don't have to much time to wonder around and about anymore!

Well this was it for tonight folks, I am of to the gym (still a few kilos to get rid off after stopping my very very bad habit)

will we make April?

2009-03-05T17:29:00.002+01:00

The last two weeks were hectic and in many ways it still is.

We received profiles, made a choice but haven't heard since... this morning we phoned the clinic and talked to the doctor and she promised to respond today; I just came back from work but still no email which means we will call again tomorrow morning.

I joined A to the hospital earlier this week, the doctor advised to do a second test on his swimmers, if the results are as good as the first one, we can be more sure (?) I guess he just wants to earn an extra buck:).

A told me that his "deliver" room wasn't very romantic and it sure as hell wasn't! In the main lobby was a door to a little room.. the lobby was crowded of course, so now I knew what A meant when he went the first time haha. It is just awkward to do your thing when people are literally just a thin wall and a meter away.. In any case, I am sure the results will be fine again.

At the gynecology desk we were the only ss couple, however, we did get the magazine "awaiting your first baby"! Some pictures should have been made!!!

Last Friday we met up with another ss couple, they are preparing for their second child, for us it is special to talk with them, 'cause they already faced a lot of things which we will face in the future.

Anyways..... I hope so much (an I probably press so much) we can go to Mumbai in April!!!!

Ps. I love to read all your stories!!

just to let you know; we have an agreement

2009-02-18T21:59:00.002+01:00

This journey we are enjoying for quite some time now, is at times strange.

We had a few last bits and pieces to agree on and we have! Today we officially agreed on the whole thing and it feels wonderful. The clinic responded really really fast, so know we are set to go... can't wait.

As stated in earlier post, we are really busy at the moment, but we had to finish the discussion on this last part, so we took the last two nights off to wrap things up, and it feels like a holiday!, but we managed to come to an agreement. Starting tomorrow we're working 24/7 again so it will take a while for us to publish soon, but I'll definitely read your posts.

If you're in Mumbai around April/May, do email us! We haven't decided yet if we both go to Mumbai or that A travels alone this time, we'll see.

Positive thoughts for everyone!

A big question mark

2009-02-01T08:40:00.005+01:00

I had a very long story in 'drafts'... just waiting to be published for two weeks now, but I just did not get round to finish it!

So I deleted it.

At the moment we are working 24/7, we are both tired since we had just one night of in 7 weeks now! But we're keeping the credit crunch in mind so every Euro we can make, we have to make it now :)

A gave me the night off, so here I am finally posting at least some text.

On the surrogate part: we are all set to go. Our solicitor explained what route to take, the swimmers are excellent... so... well, uhm, exciting! We still have to get on the right terms regarding the contract but that will be okay.

And hopefully we will still be able to go to India in April! Yes, that is a lot of time pressure to arrange the last few bits in just a week maximum, but heck, so far we're doin' alright.

Till the end of March we have to work 24/7, but I will post our confirmed departure dates.

I just read some updates of people who are already expecting; wow!

Mmm, normally the title is in line with my posting, but all our questions are answered...

One step at a time

2009-01-26T18:28:00.002+01:00

It has been a few weeks since my last post, been really busy with lots and lots of things I can't even remember, good start of the year.
At the moment we have taken on an extra assignment, so on paper we are working 48 hours a day the two of us! With the credit crunch getting closer, or not, we might as well do whatever we can to secure the next coming two years, it also means I have no spare time to do the extra things I like, but all for a good cause!
Our surrogacy story continues of course too, this week we hopefully get back the results of the tests (finally), Thursday we have a meeting with our lawyer, which hopefully gives us the courage to take the final step.
Recently there have been some legal issues with IP's in the UK, and there has been a personel change within the office of the High Commission, which results in a whole new way of working...
However, we are hopeful and look forward to confirm our travel arrangements soon!!!
Last week A's mother was in the Netherlands for a visit, she arranged that there are new curtains in all rooms, jippie, and like all of our relatives and close friends, she is already anticipating on the future; since A's office is going to be a nursery, she bought pre made curtains for that room, so we would not mind throwing them away:)... dreams dreams dreams, still so many steps to take.
Please keep your fingers crossed and hopefully I can post a confirmed start NEXT week!
Regs to all

It has been a good year

2008-12-29T17:01:00.006+01:00

As I sit in our living room, heavily jet lagged, I am thinking over everything that has happened in 2008. It was a year with ups and a lot of downers actually... but in the end, I have to admit that we both think of 2008 as a good year.

When 2008 started, we were both happy to start a new year, we were anticipating on moving into our new house, just across the street, traveling and most of all leaving 2007 behind us.

In retrospect 2007 wasn't as bad as we thought at the time, 2008 was a lot worse! But still, it was a good year.

In 2008 we were able to create a safe haven for some of our loved ones who where in need of a place to stay for a little while, at work we both have been doing the best we can and we travelled a lot.

What makes me think that 2008 is a lot worse then 2007? Mmm, a burglary... even though we were mugged in 2007 as well, a friend whom we can not help which isn't any different from 2007, work with a lot more stress or is it something I just imagine..

And then I realize, I am a very optimistic and curious person; I always look forward to a new year!

I managed to tag along with Alexander to Mexico City, that's why I am jet lagged at the moment, and we had a great time! I always thought that Mexico City is so polluted one could not walk around without a mouth cap. But that wasn't the case due to the fortunate fact that Mexico is a very big Catholic country, nobody drives during Christmas and a lot of stores, bars and restaurants close during this festive period. It seems I am good at choosing times to travel whilst the whole country is celebrating a religious feast: I was in Israel during Yom Kipur, that says enough I think. So back to Mexico City with its 23 million (!) inhabitants! That city has more people than the Netherlands which is a country, a small one, but it is a country! We arrived on Christmas night and had a lovely dinner, just the two of us, the restaurant was almost empty, with not to much class and a live traditional mexican band. The singer was from Greece. And we had a wonderful night, some nights can be magical I guess, this one wasn't. It was a hilarious night.

The next day we went on a tour to the pyramids with some of Alexanders' colleagues, we climbed the whole thing and after 247 high steps we were on top of the pyramids and at that time our guide told us that it is a solid pyramid... that's correct, it is a fake pyramid! I would pay money for a picture with Alexanders face captured!

Still, we had a very pleasant day visiting a lot of sights, the next day, boxing day or in dutch Tweede Kerstdag, life started again in Mexico City, and I really liked the parts where we went, but we did not go to the poor areas. And there are a lot more poor areas than rich areas in Mexico City, they just aren't safe enough.

More on a personal note, we went to a big Catholic church, it almost looks like a religious theme park so big, the pope was there, I know 'cause he forgot his car there. And I saw how many people, mostly poor, where reaching out to god via praying. I admire people who are able to put their faith in someone or something you just cannot be certain about. But at the same time, I did think of something the pope has said a week earlier, about same sex couples. And I also thought of the movie Harvey Milk (an american cult movie about civil rights for ss couples in the USA). And I know one should not talk about politics, religion or money on a blog. But it was hurtful for us and many others and my wish for the pope and his advisors in Rome is that they respect others as much as they like to be respected.

Of course we talked about the profiles we have received, but haven't made a choice yet. We're aiming to go to Mumbai in April, so we do have to make some last decisions soon. And this is why it has been a good year; we are getting closer to be complete!

Due to my jet lag, I am of to bed now, if this post does not make any sense, I will remove it tomorrow:)

Almost Christmas

2008-12-17T06:58:00.003+01:00

It has been over a week since my last post and this is due to laziness... at work I've been very busy, mostly because its the end of the year.

On the surrogate part it has been quite busy as well; a lot of talking with each other and trying to find the right people to organize things back in the UK. For the legal part everything is in order now, so now we are making an appointment in a clinic in London for the last tests! So finally we are getting somewhere again. A has been fantastic this last week, he has been busy as well with work and things, but he still found the time to organize so much on the surrogate part.

From, I won't say his/her name, we received a copy of their contract, details are so important! And legal advice is ridiculous expensive and at the same time it is so important, we're very glad that we don't have to ask our lawyer every single question, because even if a lawyer just thinks of you the bill is getting higher and higher.

Rotunda has emailed us a bunch of documents, my library is getting bigger and bigger LOL. There are just a few minor details which we have to agree on with the clinic, and it is more up to them to agree, otherwise we will choose a different clinic. So far in any case, I feel confident about Rotunda. They have been responding to our emails very very fast, and all answers we asked are answered. We are both so very much excited! This means we could be, in the most perfect world of course, parents in 2010... it gives us enough time to get ready at least haha.

The blogs I read from people who are much further in the process are amazing. The strength these people have to continue their journey is truly remarkable. I for one can be dramatic at times... not that my friends would agree. For everyone on this journey there is something similar and something totally different what makes one believe in this journey.

As I said in earlier posts, we are very busy at the moment, however, it seems that I'll be spending Christmas in Mexico together with Alexander! But I won't be sure till next week, it all depends on our assignment; fingers crossed.

We wish all of you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Sinterklaas

2008-12-07T11:50:00.004+01:00

On the 5th of December of every year, Sinterklaas comes to Holland with lots of gifts for children.

It is an old tradition, he actually arrives the 2nd week of November by boat from Spain and he has lots of helpers, which are called "zwarte Pieten". From the moment on he arrives in Holland, children may place their shoes in front of the fireplace every night and hopefully the next day there will be sweets in their shoes. The so called "zwarte Pieten" enter the house in the same way as Santa Clause does, via the chimney. In return the "zwarte Pieten" get to take some carrots up the chimney for Sinterklaas' horse. Yes, he throttles every night on his horse on the roofs of houses for three weeks.

It all works up to the 5th of December, because on that night all the children who have been good that year will get presents! And the story goes that if a child has been naughty (or bad) that year, it will go in the 'bag of Sinterklaas back to Spain! With the 'lovely' weather we are having here it would be the best present actually :)

I can remember so well how these nights would go when I was a child. We would behave impeccable for weeks! If my parents would only mention the word 'Sinterklaas', we would act like angels in an instant. And then after weeks and weeks, which felt like years and years in a child's' world, the day arrives where hopefully a big bag of gifts will be placed in front of the front door. Usually there would be lots of bouncing on different windows, just to let us know that Sinterklaas had arrived. So if we are ever so lucky that our biggest present is to be announced, it must sound like loud bouncing on a window!

In Holland kids usually believe in this story till the age of 7 or 8, however, a good friend of my told me that his 5 year old son is believing 'just in case'... time is changing.

But still, it would be so nice to celebrate Sinterklaas with our own family, it has a wonderful, warm and loving feeling to sit with our own family, sing songs, see everyone unwrap their gifts and just be exhausted by all the excitement over the last couple of weeks... and up to the next event because Alexander was brought up with Santa Clause! More gifts! LOL, I can not wait.

Today I am starting on the Christmas decoration, for me it does not matter that we won't be much around, the lights have to be in place haha.

A good holiday season to all and I hope everybody gets the present you want the most!

blogging

2008-12-04T20:28:00.002+01:00

It seems as things are at a stand still at the moment. And that is not the case!

Especially the last couple of weeks we have been talking a lot (!) about the whole process and I can imagine Alexander wants me to shut up over this subject.

But there have been some little changes to be honest, our eggies are still very unsure (even though we had a lovely offer), Mumbai is under attack, credit crisis and it all makes one think; what to do?

I made a list; eggies will be sort out so check, Mumbai attack is over...check? no not yet, credit crisis not over...so what? as if I or we can do really much about it, so just keep on spending! Check!

However, none of the above is a killer in our journey, we will continue. The truth is, I am really, really struggling with no smoking at the moment. Perhaps it is the time of year, my weight gain, no haven't lost the extras yet. I haven't got a clue to be honest. A couple of days ago some friends came over for dinner, we had quite a few drinks and usually sigarettes where part of these nights. Not for me now! Some of my friends did (their spouses do not 'allow' them to smoke :) and they really didn't consider my feelings. :~( I just have to be strong and I will be strong!

And then their is this other little thing; time. Time just passes by so quickly, sometimes I wonder how long the whole journey will take! I mean, we have been figuring out ways to become parents for a long time now and have decided on surrogacy. But, deciding on one thing does not mean that goals are reached in the nearby future. I have written before that I truly think tha't men, at least some men, have some sort of calling to nurture, I am one of them for sure.

For now, we are doing one step at a time, we really want to make sure we are doing everything the right way (with regards to legalities), even when it means things will take a bit longer, thats fine.

From next week on, we won't have a lot of time to work on everything. Our project in Rotterdam will start and we will be spending a lot of time till the end of January on it.

I will try to post on a weekly basis, and if we get news early; there'll definitely be time:)!

We think of everyone who is in the process and hope you all stay healthy and safe where ever you are.

Keepin' my back straight

2008-11-29T21:57:00.003+01:00

Mumbai.

I really shouldn't have to write any more words.

Tears are shed, its painfully clear that a small group of terrorists continue to try and dictate

the rest of the world.

We think of all the innocent in Mumbai, all the broken families through fire, bombings... the fear people must have felt.

We have read that all surrogates are sound and safe, which is wonderful(!), still, we think of the intended parents too, being oceans apart isn't easy at these times.

As we haven't started the process yet, it doesn't get easier.

Since Alexanders extensive traveling, it is even more personal for us. He stays in hotels all over the world and for the first time he is talking about feeling angst. He has been in Mumbai and will continue to go there, it is our way of keepin' our back straight! It is our way of supporting all these Indian people.

my lazy saturday

2008-11-22T23:26:00.003+01:00

Okay, weekend, finally, I have to have fun...pff.

This week is a bore. Alexander had to go to Washington DC Thursday, so here I was after all the fun things of this week, all alone. So I painted a bit, if you want to have a look at the paintings I make;

www.imperialdutch.nl , not all my paintings are on there, but to get an impression its good enough. Behold, I am not a professional painter but I get a lot of fun out of it.

Alexander told me that the tribunes (where people sit) are already been built for the inauguration of Obama, I read somewhere that they expect over 2 million spectators that day, amazing!

Yesterday I had lunch again with a friend (the one who asked what we're going to do if the eggies are a NO go) and I have decided that my vision was getting blurred. I have officially decided that the chances are too slim to get her eggies. I mean, its probably too difficult for our friend, and I have a strong feeling that we have to apologize to her for asking. It sounds a bit silly, but what we have asked is so enormous, and I truly think that she would donate if she already had her own family. She doesn't want to hurt our feelings, but there is no point in keeping up hope.. or am I too focussed on a decision?

Who knows.

Since all the happy things of this week, I've allowed myself to walk in pajama's all day, except when I went to the grocery store of course, I had to warn myself, ...where I didn't bought any unhealthy things! Victory haha, I will manage to get these stopped-smoking-kilos off my butt, belly, waist, thighs, legs, face, hands, feet and ears :)

In the morning I will pick up Alexander from the airport, he texted me that he bought my favorite peanut butter, so I'll take some croissants with me. I love it when he's home again.

In any case, my lazy Saturday is over, its a new day!

Still hoping

2008-11-20T00:27:00.002+01:00

In my previous post today I forgot to mention that our friend has mailed us about her eggies.
She is truly excited to be asked, but at the same time she feels heartbroken about what to do.
As she wants a family of her own in the future, it is kind of strange to give an egg away now. Just imagine that she will never get pregnant, how will she feel then? Knowing that a child, biological half hers, lives on the other side of the world?
We both understand how she feels. If someone were to ask for my or A's swimmers, and someone already asked us so we know, I would have to think hard, very hard. If I would already have my own family it wouldn't be a huge problem for me, actually, I would be willing to help someone for sure. But until we have our own creation of a family I wouldn't be a good help to anyone. Sounds egocentric... at the same time it makes me understand our friend so well.
She asked us a lot of questions, which we answered. Now it is the final wait. If you wonder how we feel about her part or role, we see her as half the biological parent, which is logical of course, but without the legal rights, since Alexander and I would have that right. Our plan is to be open to the child and our parents and friends already know we asked her for her eggies. So she would have a role in our childs life, we will keep her updated and we hope she will visit. At least our kid will always know how much she/he is wanted.
In any case, I got some more hope after her email.

just back

2008-11-19T19:22:00.003+01:00

We have had a wonderful trip to the South West of England! But a pretty shitty return. When we got back we've found out that burglars tried to get into our house, they have damaged our back door severely which has to be replaced now. The lucky part is; they didn't get into the house, so nothing is stolen.

Furthermore, we are still awaiting legal advice, our relative is a family lawyer, and doesn't know enough about the subject.

We have decided that we're going to use a specialist on the subject rather than a local family-law orientated solicitor in a rural part of the country, where with all due respect, same sex couples seem to be a rarity...

I do not imply that we haven't been welcomed warm heartedly, the whole family was fabulous and I couldn't have felt more welcome. Nevertheless, it is easier to use a specialist.

Tomorrow we have our appointment with the clinic, we're totally prepared for it, A has a standby shift, so if they call him, I will attend the appointment alone but with all the paper works filled out already and a letter of A. Just hope that A won't be called!

The wedding was unreal, think of the decor of Four weddings and a funeral, Jane Austin and hats day at Ascot, and you'll understand how beautiful it was.

Both bride and groom were so excited, made me wonder... would we like a wedding like this? They've rented a beautiful castle and it was just a perfect day. Just can't believe how much money people spent for one day! On our way back we stopped in a very picturesque village in Gloucester were we picked up an antique rocking horse were A used to sit on when he was a toddler, since we were by car it just seemed right to pick it up. It is a beauty! Hopefully it will be used one day again.

Well, off to the gym, I truly feel like a fatty after standing on the scales!! One of the coaches said 'easy on, easy off' , I just hope so!

so interesting.

2008-11-10T14:36:00.003+01:00

Well, it's been a while since we first told people about the journey we where about to start. From that moment on, it's been a question we would regurlarly get from people. Unfortunately we didn't have anything to tell, nothing has changed, no one is pregnant, the eggies are still unsure, the legallities are still a big issue and we also haven't decided on names for a girl or a boy; big stress of course.
But then I noticed that people weren't asking this question as much anymore, which is a good thing, but at the same time; this whole thing consumes my sparetime at the moment, this is my life! And actually I want to be asked what the latest thing is on the issue, I want to be reassured that it will happen for us too, I would love it if other people would move mountains and walk over water to change laws. Yep, that does sound very self-centered and it is. I don't think I've ever started a journey so unsure of its outcome, but with an energy which can be compared with someone who knows that he will succeed. And we will. Will we? :)

Thursdaynight I will take a ferry to the UK, in the morning I'll pick up A's mum and we'll go to our hotel. Alexander will arrive fridaynight late by plane and Saturday is the wedding of A's cousin. I've heard that A's family is very excited to meet me (no I haven't met the whole family yet). I am excited to meet them of course, but at the same time I am a bit scared; Alexander made it sound like some of them never met a 'gay' (pronouncation think of Little Britain). O well, rural south west England here I come!

Eggs and legal things...

2008-11-07T20:35:00.004+01:00

Well, we still haven't heard a thing form our egg donor to be. Alexander and I both assume that the answer is negative for us.

So a lot to think about.

At the same time, we've been trying to find out how to go about it legally, we're lucky Alexander is british, otherwise things could be more complicated;

The dutch government doesn't approve of surrogacy, however, we're in contact with employees of the dutch foreign office who've stated that they work 'around' the rules. I have been trying to get that in writing, also because we need that in writing before starting the procedures! But so far they haven't written anything down for us. So back to Plan A, Alexander is british, and the laws in the UK are changing, which for us would mean that we can apply for a parental order form in the UK, and thus we can go to the UK embassy in Mumbai to obtain a passport. This is the shortest version of the story ever! It will of course be a lot more complicated than this and we still have to be more sure on loads of things, but I am sure it is possible for us too.

We both have a strong wish that our child(ren) has(have) a UK passport. Especially Alexander travels a lot due to his work and we hope that in the future we can pass the passion for other cultures and traveling on to our child and it is a lot easier when Alexander travels alone with our kid and they have the same passport.

Next week we'll be in the UK and visit a solicitor (relative luckily), hope he can reassure us with facts how to go about it.

And now back to reality, the USA has a new president and most Europeans are very happy it's Barrack Obama.

I ripped out of my pants today. Had a business lunch, whilst I was taking care of the bill, I bent to pick up my bag and then I heard: krrrgrr. It almost made me start smoking again! I think I gained 20pnds in just 2 months or so, I feel terrible!!! So, I'm off to the gym. The whole thing was pretty funny, because of course I said out loud, very loud 'oops, I ripped my pants' . The restaurant owner said ' o really, let me look', without waiting he looked and said 'I have an extra pair in the back, want to borrow it?'

Very kind of course, but the only thing I wanted was to get the hell out of there! At least the person I had lunch with had a very good laugh and a good story for his co-workers.

Now I really have to go to the gym!

Niels

short post

2008-11-01T19:34:00.003+01:00

This week I've spoken with our friend who hopefully will donate one (or more) of her eggs.

She is definitely not coming to Europe at the moment for all different reasons, makes it harder to talk things through! It would've been great to see her again and also talk about it whilst we were physical in the same room.

Tomorrow its her birthday, or actually today, Australians are ahead of us:)

In any case, she is still thinking things through, she also understands that we are waiting for her answer.

She said that she was going to write us a very long email with her definite answer, whatever that maybe. We were however not yet to conclude that this implicates that her answer is going to be negative for us! Brr, I'm feeling lost!

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend. He and his wife do not want to have children themselves, but do support us in our journey. He asked me what we will do if she does say no, he was the first one who, besides us, is questioning what to do if she says no.

Well, we're still unsure and so we are unable to answer a question on the subject. I favor a known donor, if there is the slightest chance we can give our child the possibility to meet her/his biological mother, we will do just that.

On the other hand, if it turns out to be impossible, are we going to change our mind? Alexander and I have talked about it of course, but my mind is still set on a known egg donor.

You know, I just wish that things would be easier. Whenever I say something like this, Alexander calls me Mr. Plom which stands for Poor Little Old Me haha, makes me laugh.

But today I have to tell myself since he is away visiting his dad.

We both hope we have a final yes or no sometime this week.

a friend

2008-10-27T09:00:00.004+01:00

Alexander is in Detroit and I am in Spain. Late last night he phoned me and we were talking about our egg donor to be.

She was supposed to be in the UK by now, however, she has lost her passport (??), which is terrible for her of course. Alexander has spoken to her on the phone earlier yesterday, but the subject hadn't come up.

Alexander did not bring up the subject himself, he does not want to pressure her into making decisions, which is good. However, she did not bring up the subject either, I do understand that since they have known each other for such a long time, it can be difficult at times. For us she would be the ideal person, but we might not be the ideal persons in her eyes. The ideal person for her would of course be herself. We do understand the emotions she must be feeling about such a difficult question.

It is not an easy thought. Alexander told me to call her when I am back home so I could discuss it with her. There are things where I am slightly better in than he is.

Since we had this talk yesterday, I've been thinking about it, and whilst I was reading some of the newest blogs I follow, there was one which stood out; "I will be a wonderful mother" (author unknown). After reading I would say; "I will be a wonderful father" (author Niels :)

I have always known that I wanted to create a family, their where some hurdles to take (like not having ovaries and the likes), but I was going to create a family with my life partner some day.

For everyone who thinks that the decision to pursuit this dream is easy, I would like to say 'think again'. It does not matter if one is gay or straight, when you do not have the ability to built a family, you miss something.

And, perhaps it sounds corny, but we will not rest untill we have our own family.

Last night I joked with our mothers that it feels like 'my eggs are ticking'. (...replace eggs with another word)

So before we start talking about plan B, I will ring our friend.

She was a friend, is a friend and she stays a friend, whatever the outcome is.

Thinking, talking and waiting

2008-10-25T19:40:00.003+02:00

Alexander and I have been thinking everything through again and again, well, we had to since our fertillity doctor here in Holland is only willing to do the tests if we answer his questions in a way he wants them to be answered! We really don't mind, but it makes it extra exciting cause we want to do well of course.

The staff of the clinic is wonderful and they are so much willing to help us, they even offered to run the tests on the donors eggs if she would be in Holland around the 20th of November. We haven't heard yet of our donor to be, we do know she is considering so for everyone who is wondering; keep your fingers crossed just a little longer.

At the moment I am in Spain with my mother and we're staying at Alexanders mum. I will leave tuesday, but till then we have a lot to do.

We bought a family holiday home down here, it is a new built so there is a lot to monitor. Today the three of us went to a lot of different shops and we had a good time driving around: NOT! Mother (and in-law) were both on my neck; either I was driving to slow, to fast etc. In the end I told them they could take a taxi home if they like haha.

We had lunch at a place next to a babystuff shop and I can see that my mum is really hoping so much. It will be her only chance to become a grandparent, I feel for her. She doesn't say anything because she knows so many things can go wrong and maybe it will never happen for us. We have told them that it can be a long & windy road with an unknown end to it.

But still, I can tell she can't wait to go into that shop and empty her purse! (which is wonderful for us by that time haha).

Alexanders mum is more patient about the whole thing, she will get excited when the baby is on its way. She really understands how difficult the process is.

A couple we've met via a surrogacy forum, just mailed us the sad news that their surrogate isn't pregnant anymore. It is terrible news to receive for them. But they also mentioned that after the grieving, they will do another attempt. We wish more luck for them the next time!

All the different stories makes me SO anxious of what our story is going to be... is it one of the easy stories or is it going to take forever and ever...

Patients isn't my best quality LOL.

Anyway, we think of everyone who is in the process and hope you are successful or will be soon!

and more..

2008-10-13T21:13:00.003+02:00

Mike (from mikeandmike), emailed me with more information on the subject.

So now I'm also in contact with India Surrogacy, a samesex couple in the UK and even with a dutch couple!

Last week we spent the week in Tel Aviv, we were there during Yom Kippur, which is a day of atonement for Jews. We didn't quite knew what to expect, but found that everything and I mean everything stops for 25 hours. We had a wonderful time there and we had lots of quality time with just the two of us which was great! Hopefully we will be going there one day as a family.

At the moment we're getting so much wanted and needed information from different people and institutes. Last Saturday I've received a copy of "A Gay Couple's Journey Through Surrogacy".

Their story is at times hysterical, but mostly one has to admire their perseverance.

And also, it struck me, that a known surrogate opposed to an unknown surrogate as in India, isn't always easier. When we started to explore the possibilities, we first talked to close friends of us, just to see if someone would be willing to carry our child. We did this because we thought it would be easier; in real life it's probably harder, 'cause, it's likely you want to control the way they live, what she eats, does she rest enough and probably much more. And to be honest, I am probably to much of a control freak LOL.

Most people we've spoken to, used a local egg donor in India.

Some time ago, we have asked a good friend of us for her 'eggies', later this month, hopefully, she will be in Holland.

It will give us the opportunity to talk about the subject more. A shared a house with her in London for some time and stayed in touch via Facebook, Skype and JaJah. For her it was a surprise that we asked her. For us it would feel really, really good to know the egg donor and we will be very honored if she will give us her eggies! We do understand the emotional burden for her so let's keep our fingers crossed.

Tonight a good friend of ours came by, he is a 'known donor' for a lesbian couple, it means he doesn't have any parental rights but does see his daughter once a month. It is at times a complicated situation, not sure how we're going to do this, but our donor (to be hopefully) does not live right around the corner, we'll see.

A is gone now for the week, so this week will be quiet on the surrogacy subject.

Anyways, the last couple of days I seem to blablabla a lot; hormones haha

2008-10-12T23:11:00.002+02:00

Niels has found another organisation that has links with an fertility clinic in Mumbai. These two organisations, that have branches in the US and UK pay give a little bit more peace of mind and can provide extra information.

http://www.indiasurrogacy.com (an organisation in the US, who work together with a clinic in Mumbai)

and...

surrogacyindia.com (we've not sure yet if they provide surrogates for same sex couples)

2008-10-04T23:23:00.002+02:00

Another day, and more questions on our preparatory list, before jumping aboard the surrogacy train. We spoke to Mike A on the phone yesterday, who helped clarify some of the haze surrounding the practicalities of how to go about certain things and helped prepare us for some of the stumbling blocks we may encounter. I'll add a list of questions we had to our blog, as it may help others;

Practicalities
Q. Is it helpful to use a lawyer in India? Which lawyer did you use?
A. Have a contract drawn up in which all amounts payable are mentioned.

Q. What is the best way of transferring money and how long does it usually take?
A. Wiring money to India is not much of a problem although Indian banks seem to hold onto the money for quite a time before it is deposited into the account. We were advised to use a credit card due to the speed the money is transferred and the fact that you are (usually) insured against fraudulent transactions with your card.

Bureaucracy
What is the procedure surrounding the birth certificate and gaining a passport for your baby's homeward travel?

Sperm, eggs etc etc.
Q. How many eggs should we have inseminated?

Q. Whose sperm to use?

Q. Finding a donor egg. Whose?

The clinic

Which clinic did you use?

Are you happy with the conditions the surrogates live in?

Is the clinic legitimate?

How professionally do they work?

How quick were they in responding to any queries?

What is the procedure surrounding choosing the surrogate mother? What should we take into account?

Her fertility history, has she had any children, when? Her weight and height proportion.

this is a general sketch, there is far more to come...

How about surrogacy?

2008-10-03T15:27:00.002+02:00

Today we're making one of the many first steps towards a different life.
We live in the Netherlands, my partner is brittish and I am dutch, and we want to built our own family! Our friends and family support us in our journey, and we realize that this journey can take many, many years...the 'to be granny's' hope it will go smooth and quick!

We've found a lot of information on the subject surrogacy.
At first we didn't look any further; the USA was our destination!
However, the costs of the whole process seemed to be getting higher and higher, which eventually would mean we would have to take out an extra mortgage. The whole creditcrunch does not help!
So we looked on, and through various websites we found information on gestational-surrogacy in India.
First of all we were amazed of the low costs compared to the USA and the liberal approach to surrogacy.
Since weeks we have been trying to contact other 'intended parents through gestational-surrogacy in India', strangely Google hasn't been a big helper here!

So if you know more about clinics where doctors are willing to help same-sex couples in India; do contact us!
At the moment we have a lot of contact with a clinic in Rotunda, and are thinking of traveling to Rotunda Mumbai and see with our own eyes what sort of clinic it is and see how the surrogate lives whilst she is pregnant (yes, that'll be a while:).

'Till next time,

N

Gay Surrogacy

2008-10-03T11:49:00.000+02:00

Niels and I are exploring the channels where we can allow our dream of having a family can come true! We've been searching the globe, for IVF clinics that specialise in surrogacy for gay couples. If you have a story or could give us advice or can share your experiences, we'd be extremely grateful!

Regards,

Niels and Alexander