1 more wk waiting!

In my previous post I was wondering what the reason is to test after two weeks, but I fully understand now! It is better to know if there is a chance for a positive OR a negative after two weeks than having to wait for four weeks... which would feel like years I guess. The anxiety for the first three months will remain of course.
especially since one of my co workers wife found out that she was pregnant but when they had their first visit at the docs there was no sign of life anymore (9,5 weeks). Of course they are very very sad now 'cause no matter what if you had a positive after the home test you are hopefull of a succesful and uneventful pregnancy.
We will have to wait another week to know if the embies have been transferred succesfully and that they are trying to hold on. Then just another 10 scary weeks before we know if they are planning to go for the full ride, followed by another (at least) 25 weeks of hoping and waiting.
After I heard the story of my co worker, I did have a sad feeling but I also feel that there must have been a reason and I do hope that if we get a negative I will still feel that things happen with a reason.
But of course I can not help myself to feel so incredible positive at the moment! I am one of these persons who is mostly very much upbeat opposed to feeling insecure or down. At times people will call this naïve but its not. It is my choice to believe that we will achieve our goal and that is building our family. We do appreciate everyones good thoughts for our surrogate and we also appreciate every burned candle!
Okay, this was my last post until we get news from Mumbai, fingers, legs, arms everything crossed and good thoughts for all.

nature

Well okay, after a few days things are very much back to normal again and we are back in the waiting modus.

Me waiting means me finding out things. I have been looking into the grading of three day old embryos when they are implanted if found okay. Whilst there is so much information on the subject (I like all the bloggers who extensively publish their findings) it is very hard to tell what's going to happen. We had A quality and B quality embryos. The pics of the embryos aren't very clear at first, but after looking at other pics on the internet they seemed quite okay.

Here is the big but, there is no guarantee... ever! A+++ embryos do not mean; 'we're going to stick around 9 months'

Here's where the nature part really kicks in. So far it was mostly a clinical thing for us, we had to deliver our part in the clinic and that was it, the doctor handled all the technical lab things, retrieved eggs, brought egg and sperm together and after a few days placed the best embryos back and give nature its chance to do its part.

According to the clinic they can do a pregnancy test after two weeks, however, A and I are more interested in a test after 4 weeks, supposedly most women have the pregnancy hormones in their body after two weeks even when there is not an actual pregnancy. This is due to the fact that the gestational surrogate has been given hormones to improve the 'quality' of the (*can't find the right word now). So I wonder now, why not just wait 4 weeks to do the test?

Pff, know the answer to that one; impatience!

Good thoughts to all!

Quick update

I can not believe what I am typing here, but we are in our two weeks wait!!!

I got home fairly late today, A is in London at the moment, I opened my email and there was this email with pictures of embryos, attachments which stated what they had done and when the pregnancy test is!

First I rang A! And now we will wait and see what happens.

There isn't much else we can do of course, but still we are thrilled!

The feeling of seeing an embryo and to be precise our embryo is really great. And even though we both are very much aware that a whole lot of things can go wrong we will wait and see.

Fingers crossed!

trust

Since my last post there has not been any news.

And I did not rang them either.

I was saddened to read that other people have had the same and or slightly different experiences. But I am wondering, am I to controlling? Obviously the doctor knows what she is doing. Would a doctor here in the Netherlands or the UK call us to involve us in every step of this? Of course they would. But then again we are not working with a clinic here but in India. So it is up to us to adjust to their habits. I do agree with other bloggers that if you want or need more information it has to be given to you immediately and especially when a timetable has changed for whatever reason!

In our case we agreed before we ever started that we wanted to be informed when things change or whatever and even though we agreed that via email there is no way of holding that against them... not that I even want too 'cause I do not gain anything arguing over this. So A is back tomorrow after a short trip and we will call them again since we are in control of our phone lol.

We are both anxious, excited, worried, nervous, optimistic, pessimistic and a lot more but even though the success percentage is not that high, we do keep in mind that there are also a lot of people who have been through all this successful. Surely we can do too!

So until further notice we choose to trust our doctor and clinic.

Good thoughts to all

when o when

Another week has gone by and I really can not tell anything because nothing has happened yet.

Last week we phoned our docs to talk things through, we wanted them to know (they knew but just to be sure) that when the egg retrieval has taken place, we would like to talk with our doc on the phone so we would be closely involved in the next step deciding what to do if there where only 2 poor quality eggs (worst case scenario) or what to do if there were 4 A quality eggs. But then we found out that the retrieval has been postponed due to unclear reasons for us. The clinic is very busy, but still, when this happens one just wants to be informed.

Then I was reading a blog story which insinuated that this happens more often but for dodgy reasons... whatever that means. I mean, am I to think now that our clinic isn't doing their part of the deal?

We could ring the clinic again and again but we try to keep in mind that it is out of our hands.

I mean we are here and do not have anything to influence the process.

We have not rang again and just wait until they phone us.

I just want to be reassured that even when our doc sounded a bit surprised to speak to us on the phone and even not really recognizing us and knowing when our ED and GS cycles are, that everything is normal and that due to their success they just do not have any time to do some 'customer service activities'.

Understandably we are getting more anxious at this stage and we just hope.

Like so many others we just hope and ask ourselves: 'when o when?'

so many words

Its Thursday!... which means it is almost weekend again:) 

Perhaps it isn't the best time to write since we had a lovely evening with great wines.. but then again life is to short to drink bad wine and way to short not to write.

After the great comments of Kerrie (read her blog 'cause she absolutely needs support in a good way, comments of Rhonda (read her blog too 'cause she and her husband are really so positive in all their blogs and they are expecting!) and of course the comments of the Mikes:).

We met them whilst we were in Mumbai which was great 'cause they are great people and you can get a good idea why when you read their blog and how their journey went along. We have followed their story for a long time now. Not only because of the witty style of writing but also because they write as it is. I mean, at times it is so detailed that I am wondering if they carry a recorder during the day:) 

Truly, there are many bloggers who are willing to share their story and it helps! 

I, we find support, comfort and peace in writing our thoughts and reading your experiences and stories. Every step in the route of becoming a parent is exciting. Every decision is exciting, every disappointment which one is bound to endure is horrific. But in the end, ones personal hope and wishes make sure the circle is round as it should be... and of course hopefully with a baby. We decided not to worry and we'll see. It is a definite that the Doc and the rest of the team know what they have to do much better than I do, I mean even though I would like to tell them step by step what to do, I do not believe it would ensure succes:) Think Oprah/Dr Phil.

Regarding wedding activities: I thought it would be nice to wait until our child can attend the wedding, however, I have a gut feeling that A's mother and my parents would like to see that we get married before. Let's just say, we still have about 11 months (at least) to change our minds. And my gut feeling isn't as gutty as it sounds. They told us that a marriage in the nearby future would be appreciated haha.

This week we looked into the ICSI method again (just look on youtube) and I have decided I could not keep my hands that still. But it is an absolute amazing thing to see how these procedures are being carried out. I also googled everything on couples who have taken the journey before us, press releases and the whole lot. My bookmarks are almost equally to wiki.

Sadly Susan Boyle did not win BGT last week (as if anyone cares who won), but there is another show with even funnier singers: write; Geraldine (in the search bar of Youtube) and you'll find plenty of beautiful other Britains Got Talent singers.... 

I used so many words but there is just one thing to conclude this evening with: the winetasting was excellent.

Enjoy your Friday!