Keepin' my back straight

Mumbai.

I really shouldn't have to write any more words.

Tears are shed, its painfully clear that a small group of terrorists continue to try and dictate 

the rest of the world.

We think of all the innocent in Mumbai, all the broken families through fire, bombings... the fear people must have felt. 

We have read that all surrogates are sound and safe, which is wonderful(!), still, we think of the intended parents too, being oceans apart isn't easy at these times.

As we haven't started the process yet, it doesn't get easier. 

Since Alexanders extensive traveling, it is even more personal for us. He stays in hotels all over the world and for the first time he is talking about feeling angst. He has been in Mumbai and will continue to go there, it is our way of keepin' our back straight! It is our way of supporting all these Indian people.

my lazy saturday

Okay, weekend, finally, I have to have fun...pff.

This week is a bore. Alexander had to go to Washington DC Thursday, so here I was after all the fun things of this week, all alone. So I painted a bit, if you want to have a look at the paintings I make;

www.imperialdutch.nl , not all my paintings are on there, but to get an impression its good enough. Behold, I am not a professional painter but I get a lot of fun out of it.

Alexander told me that the tribunes (where people sit) are already been built for the inauguration of Obama, I read somewhere that they expect over 2 million spectators that day, amazing!

Yesterday I had lunch again with a friend (the one who asked what we're going to do if the eggies are a NO go) and I have decided that my vision was getting blurred. I have officially decided that the chances are too slim to get her eggies. I mean, its probably too difficult for our friend, and I have a strong feeling that we have to apologize to her for asking. It sounds a bit silly, but what we have asked is so enormous, and I truly think that she would donate if she already had her own family. She doesn't want to hurt our feelings, but there is no point in keeping up hope.. or am I too focussed on a decision? 

Who knows. 

Since all the happy things of this week, I've allowed myself to walk in pajama's all day, except when I went to the grocery store of course, I had to warn myself, ...where I didn't bought any unhealthy things! Victory haha, I will manage to get these stopped-smoking-kilos off my butt, belly, waist, thighs, legs, face, hands, feet and ears :)

In the morning I will pick up Alexander from the airport, he texted me that he bought my favorite peanut butter, so I'll take some croissants with me. I love it when he's home again.

In any case, my lazy Saturday is over, its a new day!

Still hoping

In my previous post today I forgot to mention that our friend has mailed us about her eggies.
She is truly excited to be asked, but at the same time she feels heartbroken about what to do.
As she wants a family of her own in the future, it is kind of strange to give an egg away now. Just imagine that she will never get pregnant, how will she feel then? Knowing that a child, biological half hers, lives on the other side of the world?
We both understand how she feels. If someone were to ask for my or A's swimmers, and someone already asked us so we know, I would have to think hard, very hard. If I would already have my own family it wouldn't be a huge problem for me, actually, I would be willing to help someone for sure. But until we have our own creation of a family I wouldn't be a good help to anyone. Sounds egocentric... at the same time it makes me understand our friend so well.
She asked us a lot of questions, which we answered. Now it is the final wait. If you wonder how we feel about her part or role, we see her as half the biological parent, which is logical of course, but without the legal rights, since Alexander and I would have that right. Our plan is to be open to the child and our parents and friends already know we asked her for her eggies. So she would have a role in our childs life, we will keep her updated and we hope she will visit. At least our kid will always know how much she/he is wanted.
In any case, I got some more hope after her email.

just back

We have had a wonderful trip to the South West of England! But a pretty shitty return. When we got back we've found out that burglars tried to get into our house, they have damaged our back door severely which has to be replaced now. The lucky part is; they didn't get into the house, so nothing is stolen.

Furthermore, we are still awaiting legal advice, our relative is a family lawyer, and doesn't know enough about the subject.

We have decided that we're going to use a specialist on the subject rather than a local family-law orientated solicitor in a rural part of the country, where with all due respect, same sex couples seem to be a rarity...

I do not imply that we haven't been welcomed warm heartedly, the whole family was fabulous and I couldn't have felt more welcome. Nevertheless, it is easier to use a specialist.

Tomorrow we have our appointment with the clinic, we're totally prepared for it, A has a standby shift, so if they call him, I will attend the appointment alone but with all the paper works filled out already and a letter of A. Just hope that A won't be called!

The wedding was unreal, think of the decor of Four weddings and a funeral, Jane Austin and hats day at Ascot, and you'll understand how beautiful it was.

Both bride and groom were so excited, made me wonder... would we like a wedding like this? They've rented a beautiful castle and it was just a perfect day. Just can't believe how much money people spent for one day! On our way back we stopped in a very picturesque village in Gloucester were we picked up an antique rocking horse were A used to sit on when he was a toddler, since we were by car it just seemed right to pick it up. It is a beauty! Hopefully it will be used one day again.

Well, off to the gym, I truly feel like a fatty after standing on the scales!! One of the coaches said 'easy on, easy off' , I just hope so!

so interesting.

Well, it's been a while since we first told people about the journey we where about to start. From that moment on, it's been a question we would regurlarly get from people. Unfortunately we didn't have anything to tell, nothing has changed, no one is pregnant, the eggies are still unsure, the legallities are still a big issue and we also haven't decided on names for a girl or a boy; big stress of course.
But then I noticed that people weren't asking this question as much anymore, which is a good thing, but at the same time; this whole thing consumes my sparetime at the moment, this is my life! And actually I want to be asked what the latest thing is on the issue, I want to be reassured that it will happen for us too, I would love it if other people would move mountains and walk over water to change laws. Yep, that does sound very self-centered and it is. I don't think I've ever started a journey so unsure of its outcome, but with an energy which can be compared with someone who knows that he will succeed. And we will. Will we? :)

Thursdaynight I will take a ferry to the UK, in the morning I'll pick up A's mum and we'll go to our hotel. Alexander will arrive fridaynight late by plane and Saturday is the wedding of A's cousin. I've heard that A's family is very excited to meet me (no I haven't met the whole family yet). I am excited to meet them of course, but at the same time I am a bit scared; Alexander made it sound like some of them never met a 'gay' (pronouncation think of Little Britain). O well, rural south west England here I come!

Eggs and legal things...

Well, we still haven't heard a thing form our egg donor to be. Alexander and I both assume that the answer is negative for us. 

So a lot to think about.

At the same time, we've been trying to find out how to go about it legally, we're lucky Alexander is british, otherwise things could be more complicated;

The dutch government doesn't approve of surrogacy, however, we're in contact with employees of the dutch foreign office who've stated that they work 'around' the rules. I have been trying to get that in writing, also because we need that in writing before starting the procedures! But so far they haven't written anything down for us. So back to Plan A, Alexander is british, and the laws in the UK are changing, which for us would mean that we can apply for a parental order form in the UK, and thus we can go to the UK embassy in Mumbai to obtain a passport. This is the shortest version of the story ever! It will of course be a lot more complicated than this and we still have to be more sure on loads of things, but I am sure it is possible for us too.

We both have a strong wish that our child(ren) has(have) a UK passport. Especially Alexander travels a lot due to his work and we hope that in the future we can pass the passion for other cultures and traveling on to our child and it is a lot easier when Alexander travels alone with our kid and they have the same passport.

Next week we'll be in the UK and visit a solicitor (relative luckily), hope he can reassure us with facts how to go about it.

And now back to reality, the USA has a new president and most Europeans are very happy it's Barrack Obama. 

I ripped out of my pants today. Had a business lunch, whilst I was taking care of the bill, I bent to pick up my bag and then I heard: krrrgrr. It almost made me start smoking again! I think I gained 20pnds in just 2 months or so, I feel terrible!!! So, I'm off to the gym. The whole thing was pretty funny, because of course I said out loud, very loud 'oops, I ripped my pants' . The restaurant owner said ' o really, let me look', without waiting he looked and said 'I have an extra pair in the back, want to borrow it?' 

Very kind of course, but the only thing I wanted was to get the hell out of there! At least the person I had lunch with had a very good laugh and a good story for his co-workers. 

Now I really have to go to the gym!

Niels

short post

This week I've spoken with our friend who hopefully will donate one (or more) of her eggs. 

She is definitely not coming to Europe at the moment for all different reasons, makes it harder to talk things through! It would've been great to see her again and also talk about it whilst we were physical in the same room.

Tomorrow its her birthday, or actually today, Australians are ahead of us:) 

In any case, she is still thinking things through, she also understands that we are waiting for her answer.

She said that she was going to write us a very long email with her definite answer, whatever that maybe. We were however not yet to conclude that this implicates that her answer is going to be negative for us! Brr, I'm feeling lost!

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend. He and his wife do not want to have children themselves, but do support us in our journey. He asked me what we will do if she does say no, he was the first one who, besides us, is questioning what to do if she says no.

Well, we're still unsure and so we are unable to answer a question on the subject. I favor a known donor, if there is the slightest chance we can give our child the possibility to meet her/his biological mother, we will do just that.

On the other hand, if it turns out to be impossible, are we going to change our mind? Alexander and I have talked about it of course, but my mind is still set on a known egg donor. 

You know, I just wish that things would be easier. Whenever I say something like this, Alexander calls me Mr. Plom which stands for Poor Little Old Me haha, makes me laugh.

But today I have to tell myself since he is away visiting his dad. 

We both hope we have a final yes or no sometime this week.